Big Republican Government

Alabama Republicans Introduce a “Bathroom Bill” That Requires Bathroom Police

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

It's the start of a new legislative season for state houses across the country and, at least in states dominated by Republicans, lawmakers appear to be engaged in a competition to see who can introduce the most ridiculous anti-transgender "bathroom bill."

For Alabama's entry, state Republicans will soon introduce a bill that would require any establishment with gender-neutral facilities to hire bathroom police.

The bill, which will be known as the Alabama Privacy Act if passed, outlines several new rules to protect the physical and emotional security of those using the bathrooms, according to the bill that was introduced by Sen. Phil Williams (R) and will be voted on by the Alabama judiciary committee next month. [...]

The law states that "bathroom, or changing facilities that are designed to be used by multiple persons" must either be exclusively for "persons of the same gender," or open to people "irrespective of their gender" with attendants present.

The Alabama "privacy act." Because nothing says privacy like stationing a clerk outside every restroom to scrutinize the gender identity and genitals of random strangers.


This bill will "protect the physical and emotional security of those using the bathroom" if only they're cis gendered, straight snowflakes who live in constant fear of people who are different.

If Big (Republican) Government is going to be in the business of legislating "emotional security," why stop here? Why not legislate mandatory penis enlargements for hyper-masculine conservative men who are less well endowed? Couldn't that cause them to feel emotionally insecure in the restroom?

I'm old enough to remember when much of the 2016 campaign was spent by Republican voters saying "fuck your feelings." Now they want to legislate an actual safe space; they want to legislate "emotional security."

The bill's sponsors say the legislation's mandatory bathroom police force will guard against molestation and assault, but those crimes could be taking place in bathrooms right now. The obvious implication is that transgender individuals are inherently predatory, but nothing could be further from the truth. There isn't a single documented case in the entire country of a transgender person assaulting or molesting a cis gender person in a restroom. If anything, transgender people are more likely to be the victim of a crime.

If this legislation passes and is signed into law, they will be victims of a crime against the Constitution. This is a clear violation of the Equal Protection Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment.

  • muselet

    Ashby, Ashby, Ashby. When the Trumpettes said “Fuck your feelings,” they meant the feelings of everyone who disagreed with them; their own feelings, now those were important.

    I also think there’s an image that needs to make another appearance.


    • bjams17

      this image is the best way that i’ve seen to simplify the complex argument against bathroom bills. those of us who choose to take more than 1 cognitive step in our minds can see how preposterous and illogical of an idea it is, but it’s tough getting that across to the more simple-minded folks who only imagine dangerous men in fake wigs peeping on their wives and daughters. thanks for sharing.

      • muselet

        I only wish I knew who did the image so I could credit them properly.


  • fry1laurie

    If you ever wondered how Alabama could sink any lower in people’s estimation, you’ve just witnessed it. You’re next, Mississippi.

    • Christopher Foxx

      If you ever wondered how Alabama could sink any lower in people’s estimation

      But to some people Alabama also just rose, alas.

  • Aynwrong

    If this law passes hopefully Alabama will become the next North Carolina. I’m hoping corporations, particularly professional sports teams respond in the same fashion and not less so because of Trump’s win.