Fox News is like Bizzaro World at times.

Between talk of limiting presidential powers and their condoning of lawyers getting involved in a senate election, Murdoch's channel keeps blowing my mind (until another National Review commercial brings me back to reality).

Goddamnit, I like to comment five days after the fact.

I hope the whole country is FUBAR, that it's not just me. Today just sucked. Four more hours!

I posted this here a couple of days ago, but it seems appropriate to the situation: "If Harry Had a Spine"

He could bring a bill to cloture
And heed the will of voters
Ending gridlock-grind;
For sixty votes we'd muster
There'd be no filibuster
If Harry had a spine!

Agendas would be simple
And leftward of the middle
Passing in good time;
Oh, the bills we would be passing
With an expedited fashion
If Harry had a spine!

Oh, who can tell me why
The GOP's in charge?
'Minority' means not so large
So why is taking charge so hard?

He could be not quite so easy
An upright leader, you see,
Instead of flat-supine;
He would be friends with Jerry
Obama would be merry
If Harry had a spine!

Totally fucked. Nobody can get financing to pay me to fix their houses, so I'm flying to China tomorrow to live on the South China Sea with my lovely bride for an indefinite period of time. It's cheap, I have work teaching, they have killer Chinese food (hold the mellamine!)and I can't get pissed at the Huffington Post for blocking my comments, because they are blocked by the commies.
I'm not sure if this site is blocked or not. Most aren't, surprisingly. Hopefully I'll be in touch in a few days.

go Matt! Does anybody know what it would take to replace that weenie?

Emsique - For a second I thought you were joking (I'm still not entirely sure). Have fun in China. I've heard it's an incredible place, as long as you don't piss off the wrong people.
Matt - You've got a songwriting GIFT!

I don't think you can call Reid a wienie. He is missing the hardware to earn that title.

Rachel early!!! OOOOOHHHH!!! That was me trying to simulate an "O" over the intertubes. Premature of course.

Matt, I've got an insatiable urge to eat acid and listen to Dark Side Of The Moon.

And Emsique, please don't knock Go, Dog. Go! again, or I will have to go to China to kill you.

/snark You should look into set construction. Entertainment is (relatively) unaffected by the economy.

Rachel just donkeypunched Finestein in the uterus. I would pay good money to see Rachel verbally abuse this tool. By good money I mean the YEN.

And fuck typekey. I haven't been booted off in a while: fuckityfuckityfuuuuuuuckityfuckfuckfuck.

Joe, I signed the balls petition on your wall.

What was Rachel on? How did I miss it?!?!?!?

Jane, I'll watch it with you but I prefer weed. ;-)

She's on Keith (as I rewind)

"Donkeypunch" is now my most favoritest post-yuletide holdiay surprise phrase. Thank you, Mr. The GI The Joe.

Fuckityfuckfuckfuck. Darn kid wanted me to read an extra chapter of Harry Potter tonight, and apparently I missed Rachel being spectacular! I need to work on my kid's priorities.

Sanjay Gupta??!!!
http://tinyurl.com/784jaw

Uhhmmm . . . . OK . . .

Go, Dog. Go! and acid. Jane!

Thanks Elvis,

Everyone that is a puppy lover please go check out the picture on my FB.

I had the placenta crapped on my lap this morning and something told me the my chihuahua was going into labor.

"Isn't this like making Judge Judy the Attorney General?" - KO on the Gupta story.

I love Keith. Really, I do.

GI: Eeeeew.
Whatever you do, guys, don't actually TRY a donkeypunch. You could kill someone.

Elvis, I feel like my Maker's ran out an hour ago.

Bad fucking mood today. I am feeling glee thinking about donkeypunching Feinstein's uterus (sorry DP).

GI: Eeeeew.
Whatever you do, guys, don't actually TRY a donkeypunch. You could kill someone.

Oops, sorry. Hey, Elvis!

Joe's puppy pics and story are incredible. Everyone herd over there and look. He's a hero covered in afterbirth! I'm not being snarky, either. I mean it.

Speaking of donkeys, don't click on Elvis The Dingeldein's url. I could have gone all year without seeing that visual, Elvis.

I like Gupta. His parents are Indian and Pakistani. That is a Jew and a Gentile if I have ever heard one. His medical special a couple weeks ago on CNN made me throw all my food away. Something about Soybean Oil in everything and it is bad. Go to kitchen now and find something without soybean oil I darn you.

Jane, I will save you some time. Yes, there is soybean oil in blue cheese.

Donkeypunch!

Joe, yeah soy nowadays (what we get) has...spliced human genes and whatnot in it, right? Monsanto.

Um, I was concentrating on puppies. There is a punch that, uh, aims for the fucking uterus (no longer named Elvis or otherwise--still taking nominations)? Guys, I must not look at that right now. I'll stay on the puppy part of Joe's page. I'm on drugs right now so I missed something more easily than usual.

My wine doesn't have soybean oil in it, Joe. And since that is my main source of sustenance.....

I'm sorry about your Bad Mood, Teh Jane. If it makes you feel any better, I gave up teh Maker's. Nothing but tea and water from now on. So yeah, just fucking kill me.

Kat, that is what two donkeys in love do.

Okay, two donkeys in heat.

Eh. It's just PPTTPTSDPMSTD. It'll go away.

Whatever blows your skirt up, Jane. Or....hmmm.....I think I'll stop there.

Yes kat, there isn't soybean oil in wine. I am pretty sure it is in my shitty american beer. Gupta, did a whole story about the agriculture of this country was developed by Nixon just like our healthcare so you know it is good for you. Can we resume his remains and burn them just to make sure he doesn't get out of purgatory?

Drat, 'The Mentalist' is all new tonight at the same time as Rachel. Choices, choices. Hot, sexy Rachel or hot, sexy Simon?

Which reminds me...Redmond? Can we make a request for some shirtless Simon Baker? I mean, since you're on an Aussie hottie roll...

Yes, Joe. But what about Rumsfeld et al? Not to get you out of your happy place, but the whole Monsanto/Tamaflu/biogenetic engineering thing is alive and well and in charge of our decision makers.

Kat - Rachel has reruns, I don't think the Mentalist does.

The whole agricultural/food thing is absolutely terrifying. It's one of the reasons I'm a vegetarian, and I'm a member of my local co-op. Join your co-op and buy local and organic, kids.

DP, you made me LOL.

But what will you talk about? "Jane's a bitch. Heh."?

Jane, that only went to you. I didn't think you'd want Jane's Goddamn Face to be a regular group. Heh. Now there's a thought.

Ack! Bob Baer just said "tainted!"

anybody have a macbook pro?

Thread killer? Or did the lord god Keith speak (that's the funniest thing I've read in a long time, THE). I don't have custody of the tv right now.

Gypsy, you know it's on the way. "Now anything is just a few hundred clicks away."

http://www.bobcesca.com/blog-archives/2009/01/afternoon_aweso_61.html

My kid dreads hearing "taint" on the news because lately it just starts a spell of the giggles.

Oh my God... Leon Panetta has no taint! How did you find that out, Bob Baer? The fourth amendment precludes you from snooping Panetta's taint, or lack thereof!

That or everyone's looking at cute wrinkly puppies, DP.

Either way, it's your fault.

I would donkeypunch my partner if they tried to monopolize the TV during KO or Rachel.

How are the puppies, Joecephus? Whimpering? Snuggling? Being generally fucking cute?

haha, yeah jane i saw that. my comment was something like -45 minutes of rubbing and poking and the job still isn't finished...sound familiar?

Squeaky. It is like a knife in my temple.

I can't donkeypunch for anyone wanting to watch "House". Anything else...well. *ugh*

At least they aren't looking at Jane's Goddamn Striped Feet on the Faceplate. Looked at the updated non-puppy photos, Janaluski?

Must hobble off to bed. Weak. Feel like I've been oh, never mind that shit.

Good to see you, DP, even if it was just for a short time! Feel better!

Heh. Margaret Carlson said "balls."

Heh.

Then she said "two Clinton balls."

Adding: Balls.

Thanks, Kat. Baby steps. Margaret Carlson and balls. G'night.

Elvis- Thank you for not being the only one to snicker at all the balls coming out of Margaret Carlson's mouth.

ahem...

FUCK THE POLICE COMIN' STRAIGHT FROM THE UNDERGROUND
YOUNG NIGGA GOT IT BAD 'CAUSE I'M BROWN
AND NOT THE OTHER COLOR SO THE POLICE THINK THEY GOT THE AUTHORITY TO KILL A MINORITY

Balls.

Heh.

And fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck the type keypad thingy, goddamn fuckityfuckfuckfuck.

On a side note, I think I see a little more cleavage on Rachel tonight. OOOHHH!(You get it)

Excellent ball video Jane!!! Coin purse, HAH!!!

Here's a Serious Political Question for you fucking wonks and wonkettes: To what degree do y'all think Rachel's devilish, saucy wit (and occasional juvenile snark) undercuts her Journalistic Integrity Quotient in the eyes of potential interviewees like Senator Donkeypunch In The Uterus Feinstein?

Rachel often lets us know that the fuckholes she reports on have been invited on the show to no avail, so I'm curious how much of their constant refusals is "Fuck MSNBC they're a Liberal chop-shop" versus "Fuck Rachel Maddow, she's got a sassy, saucy mouth and I won't be teased."

Adding: I would pay Rachel my entire life's savings (all $63.40 of it) for twenty minutes of sassy, saucy mouth action. And by that I mean just talking to me sassily about politics, I know she loathes The Penis.

Does noone else see the resemblance between Panetta and Chance the Gardener?

ED: Can't you get kicked out of the Midwest for saying "y'all"?

What the fuck is a noone?

Lord let's hope so, Jane.

Enjoy all the OOOHHHs you like, JOE-the-pup-midwife--but Rachel goes for wimmins.

To hell with Panetta and Chance the Gardener, Margaret Carlson IS Edna Mode from The Incredibles. I'd stick links in there but that would Filter me. Bastardly bitching filters.

Elvis, that's what spellcheck says. What the fuck IS a noone?

(Also, what the fuck is a spellcheck?)

I don't know about that Elvis. I think she is taken seriously and I really haven't seen her rip apart anyone except David Frum.

I know a Lorna Noone is a delicious buttery cookie...

What do I need to do to get kicked out of the Midwest, preferably accompanied by Gypsy???

(thought I was a grammar Nazi.)

Elvis- I think they're just scared of Rachel handing their asses to them.

Apparently a cat has knocked over my late father's swizzle stick collection. And yes, there is a Playboy club SS in aforementioned collection.

Anyone want some pussy? He doesn't eat much but he has some annoying habits.

A boy can dream(wet) Elvis. She will come around. I think it is a phase she is going through right now. I am planning on taking her to the Saddleback Church to get cured of The Gay and make an honest woman out of her. Yes, I would institutionalize Rachel Maddow.

(Jane- I thought you were Natzi?)

Look, all kidding aside, if this thing about the Obamas being denied access to Blair House without proper cause is anything close to being true, the President Elect should kick off the Inaugural festivities by donkeypunching Bush in his gonad pouch and then shoving Laura's Stepford Wife-looking ass down a long flight of stairs. Fuck the Bushes in their oily evil ratholes. Seriously, fuck them. The entire rotten family is a disgrace upon that historied house and everything it stands for, and the Bush's safe departure from the Mansion proves it is not actually haunted by Lincoln's ghost, as it would surely have gone outrageously Poltergeist on their asses long ago and caused George to tear his face off after seeing the steak boil over with maggots.

Fuck the Bushes. They are utter scum.

Adding: Seriously, fuck the Bushes. Classless assholes.

Now that made me laugh.

Elvis, I am pretty sure that Bush has his own ghost the holy one to combat Lincoln's gay ghost.

I second the long flight of stairs.

Hmm...that depends, Jane. Playboy pussy? I'd be scared of what I might contract from that...

El Sarcasmojevich, I actually myst that thread.

Get it? Heh.

And what Elvis said. Fuck Bush.

Heh.

I second (third? fourth? fifth?) what Elvis said. Rat bastards.

Kat, my late father's swizzle stick collection, including the ones from the Playboy club, are OFF FUCKING LIMITS.

I just meant you could have the cat.

One of my favorite golden oldies about Laura Bush. Read it now before it vanishes forever. Which will be soon.

http://www.clusterdouche.com/blog2/?p=54

Jane - they are no longer referred to as "grammar Nazi" - we must call them "grammar Natzi" - just to reallllly piss them off.

Ah...well, shit, then Jane. I don't need a fucking cat.

What do you use a swizzle stick for anyway?

What, you didn't know, Mr. The GI The Joe? Jane's vagina is shaped like a vodka and tonic.

And yet oddly, tastes like a Manhattan. Zing!

Wait. I ARE a grammar Natzi. Who am I trying to piss off again?

And goddamnit, Elvis, why the fuck do you give and then taketh away? Teh world needs snark like yours. Every bit it can get.

Don't MAKE me come and steal your hard drive just to be able to read yer shit.

I'm sorry, but sometimes I even make myself laugh.

I'll send you a full back-up of the site before I nuke it, Jane. I promise.

Elvis - Obviously your page link is Dems doing what they do best unto other Dems.

I wonder how badly Rachel dampened her underpants when AH-NA Marie Cox said "taint" while sitting three feet away from her. Methinks an MSNBC page will be hunting for dry ergonomic host chairs this evening, huzzah!

Adding: Mmmmmmm, "Cox."

guys you have to turn it to what would you do on abc!!!! i fucking want to beat racist assholes!!

put me on that list to Elvis. I would love to get into the mind of a serial killer before the FBI finds you.

I'm in a post-Simon Baker afterglow, Gyps. I don't want to ruin the moment.

Hey Joe I just explained swizzle sticks in your FB inbox.

They're drink stirrers, kids. ALL the kewl places used to have them. Perhaps I should post some?

You are on The List, sir. Which, of course, puts you in immediate jeopardy once the FBI goes CSI on my laptop and finds your name. Enjoy Guantanamo, bitches!

Also, did you read my little Phony Soldier diatribe on that thread? If you're For Real ex- or current military, I'm curious as to your opinion on those fuckholes in that picture. If you're not, then I don't give a shit about your opinion, suck it.

I am watching Nip/Tuck in remembrance of my brother's speedo pictures. I likes me a well displayed package.

Elvira, not sure whether I want to laugh or donkeypunch you for the supply-clay-clay comment.

Don't hate on teh clay, lady. You know you love teh clay.

Joe, I watched some Dr. 90210 the other night while periodically covering my eyes and screaming "Ewwwwwwww." They knock these (paying!) dumbasses out and proceed to poke the living shit out of them with these 24" metal rods shoved all up their hoo-has.

Welcome to the 21st century, bitch. Pass the leeches.

Did I mention I loves teh clay?

I know you loves teh clay.

Noone knows how I love teh clay. Yes, noone! I told him.

Elvis,

Holy shit that made you more upset than me. To answer your question, Yes current, former, still serving, and combat veteran. I don't want to thread kill but those assholes in the picture were Air Force and by order of the Secretary of the Air Force they weren't allowed to go outside the Forward Operating Bases of Iraq to go play with IEDs. Therefore, they spent their entire 3 months in the desert making those signs and blowing each other in the rotten KBR showers.

Elvis,

Too follow up those assholes fall into the Cold War category.

Okay, Gypsy, fuck you for turning me on to this Primetime special about What Would You Do. I thought it was just going to piss me off, but now I'm blubbering like Lucy Ricardo at these people that stood up for the Latinos and threatened to take their business elsewhere if they weren't served. I'm obviously an emotional basketcase.

Wow, really Joe? I was thinking of placing a call tomorrow morning to Eglin AFB's PAO, maybe putting a bug in their ear over that photo. PR nightmare at the least, possible UCMJ violation at the worst. Either way, all six of those fucktards should be stripped of their ranks and sent to Leavenworth for all I give a shit. Or launched from a Stealth Bomber onto Ann Coulter's cock.

Jnae, I'm NOT knocking Go Dog Go. It is merely a stopping place in some people's literary pursuits, which keeps them from reading Coulter's book, then Green Eggs and Ham, and Goodnight Moon (my personal favorite). And yes, I really am moving to China because it is fucked here and my wife is there and I am going to the warm southern part instead of the cold Pacific Northwest where we do have the best pot in the world. I'm sure you can get pot there, but being stoned in a totalitarian society (or Texas) is not the same as the West Coast of the USA.
There is a nasty little subculture of tweakers there who get their shit from Burma, but when they get caught they are never heard from again. Good beer, though, although last time I was there they were finding Mellamine in the Tsing Tao. It looks like those responsible for that little bit of evil will be joining the tweakers in the short line to the firing squad.

PS, Jane: Teh clay told Mr. Noone that it lurves you too.

i know dingle! i was prepared to start throwing shoes at the tv until i my lip started quivering! did you see the part where the real day laborer started crying saying that he gets treated like an animal just trying to feed his family?

btw, you and jane will be great together in the afterlife!

I have nothing to contribute, so I'll just say: I love fucking with my teacher on abstinence education.

holy shit...a german lady on "what would you do" just equated a bush t-shirt to a shirt with hitler on it!!!!

Oops, I meant Jane. Good spel chekker. Is anyone sick of the Charmin ad on the MSNBC Rachel online show with the cute little bear with the TP CHUNKS ON HIS ASS?? EWWW!

Well, I've tried to say hi to Elvis in several different ways, but he won't say hi back. I think Elvis thinks I'm the Church Lady.

Anyhow... DP, how are you feeling? I'm voting that we name your now absent womb Waldo. Where's Waldo? ;)

I keep missing Rachel and her new hair. Kat - description please?

And here's me celebrating the possibilities of Sanjay Gupta: http://obamaproject.windonwater.net/2009/01/sanjay-gupta-for-surgeon-general-how-awesome-would-that-be/

(Also - how excellent to have such a fine looking Surgeon General?)

QT

I gave up on What Would You Do because A) the Ugly Americans in France bit was embarrassing and retarded and B) Ace Ventura is on Shotime West and that movie makes me laugh with my teeth showing.

Goddamn, Emsique, please find a way to post here. Like I said before, even if you have to do it via email and a third party.

Oh, and pictures. We need pictures.

Signed,

Insanely curious

your teeth may be showing but are your gums? everybody knows gum gleaming equals a mighty fine movie!

HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!HI QUEENTIYE!!

>>>I love fucking with my teacher on abstinence education.

Like on top of abstinence education pamphlets?

Elvis, do you *ever* check yer old CD email accounts and such as? I've recommended you to a few other Mistresses who would loooove to whip you a new taint.

Elvis,

Send that shit to every news agency, micheal moore, ACLU, and the unit of those fucktards. If you can manage to find a commanding officer to send it to that would do wonders.

Psssst! QT! I think Elvis says hi or something.

You roll with your Burmese pot when you get to the PRC, Emsique. You get caught and go down Midnight Express style, me and Jane will come visit you in your hellish Chinese shithole of a prison and put our nipples on the glass.

Ohhhhhhh Billllllleeeeeeeeeee...

I will put my Thatchers on the glass. Let Elvis show his nips.

I will indeed. I have three!

Oh, Mystico. You slay me.

Forward all responses to my FB. So I can laugh and laugh and laugh. This shit is right up there with the Abu Grahib shit.

can i go visit esmique? a party isn't a party until you are found guilty by your asscheek print!

Oh I don't think it's quite Abu G. material, but if they get a Full Metal Jacket-style anal reaming from their CO I'm fat and happy.

Elvis, you speak a certain code that is strangely familiar. You were a man of the cloth once, weren't you.(Green cloth)

Hi Elvis! :) Grins foolishly

(I'm way too easy to please. I'd borrow Harry Reid's spine but he lost it.)

QT

Fucking great. NC is crashing the unemployment website.

Thanks George Bush!

Oh fuck me, no. I'm a Soft, Sensitive boy and would have snapped Private Pyle Style within sixty seconds of enlistment, shot my drill sargeant in the spleen with a bazooka and then littered the barracks with my brain box after giving my .45 a wet kiss.

No, I'm the son of a Green Cloth Lifer, so I grew up around it my whole life; he did two tours in 'Nam then spent the Cold War trying to make The Soviet Union™ shit its mukluks. And he succeeded, huzzah! He's now happily retired and wrote a book that's on the CIA's Top 20 list for 2008. Seriously.

Oops! Now that I've told all y'all about that CIA Top 20 thing, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill all of you. Sorry!

Officer or enlisted?

I wasn't listening.

Retired a Colonel, later decorated with the Intelligence Community's highest honor, the National Intelligence Distinguished Service Medal in a ceremony at Langley that I was honored to attend. I later snuck off and had myself dangled over a touch-sensitive floor by a pair of wires so that I could hack the CIA's NOC List, which I then sold to Vladimir Putin for half a pound of Canadian bacon and Sarah Palin's phone number.

Sen. Brownback is a huge steaming pile of douchebags. I can't believe how fucking retarded this man is and still has a seat in the Senate. I am going to write the EPA ever day until the fix the drinking water in Kansas. These people can't be that stupid or do they count cows for votes in Kansas. I was stationed there once and I knew I had to run the fuck away as fast as I can. I'm the gingerbread man.

So you called Sarah with a fake French accent...

how do you know you are on the cia's top 20? is there a ceremonial thing or do you just receive something in the mail like your photo when you run a red light?

Elvis, you said writing which is a dead give away that he was an officer.

Oh, yuck! Burmese pot velly bad. I had some at my brother's in Thailand last year. Moldy taste, vacuum sealed, probably laced with mellamine. Make you want to bite a tongue off!!! But super spicy food and Singha beer moh bettah.
Best pot is LoriDarlin's Jackson County medical lesbian polio weed. Makes great cookies, too! Can't pass a whiz quiz for 6 months! I'm so spoiled that I don't touch the third world stuff.

diregard last comment...i clearly can not jump into ptt while doing 4 other things!

Okay, Cescans, the hour grows late and I'm only on page 121 of Michael Burlingame's brand-new and ultra-definitive Lincoln biography, Lincoln: Fuck Me This Is A Huge Book Considering It's The Fifty-Trillionth Book Written About Abraham Fucking Lincoln, which I gave to myself for Christmas because I love me very much. (I can't embed You-Are-Ells without being Filtered (bastardly bitching filters!) so here's the book I mean, if you give two shits: http://www.amazon.com/Abraham-Lincoln-Life-Michael-Burlingame/dp/0801889936

Considering that this is a two-volume set of 2,024 pages, I must get back to my reading or I may not finish this book before The Rapture and such as position flexible.

Night, fuckers!

Elvis, pausing in the middle of all the fun to note you making jokes in the phony soldier thread about Tramadol. I've just been put on the stuff,so all joking aside - if there's anything I might need to know about the stuff, I'd be ever so grateful if you'd share. You and everyone else with knowledge on the subject. I talk about why I'm taking it here: http://www.windonwater.net/index.php?topic=171.0

And - now I return everyone to the nights hilarity...

QT

Night Elvis,

Get Dad to help you in your efforts to discharge those assholes.

Oh, QT, I only mentioned Tramadol because, using my Curiously Still Active Admin Priviledges here at GDAB, I was able to peruse the other comments that had been Filtered (bastardly bitching Filters!!) by Bob Cesca's Super Fun Time Filtorama Machine the way mine had and one of them was an ad for Tramadol. The rest was porn. I immediately followed those links, I can assure you. If Tramadol will help me enjoy said porn, maybe you can tell me all about it.

Adding: I'm finding Celestial Seasons Sleepytime Extra tea laced with Valerian Root to be a pitiful substitute for half a quart of Maker's Mark, which is a fine, fine product distilled by my good friends in Loretto, KY. Very poor substitute indeed.

Also: Heh. Heh. I said "KY."

Heh, KY. 'Nite, Elvis.

I think I got here just in time to say goodnight to everyone. And I missed an Elvis night.

Yes you did, dumbass. Good one.

BC, thanks for starting off the ripping of gay republican draft dodging militia.

How was the fancy dinner out with your wife, Carlos?

What, no good-night, Jane? Christ you're a fickle thing.

Goddamnit. I hate this "Hello! Goodnight!" bullshit.

If you paid attention I rarely say either.

It's an open thread, not my fucking living room.

Besides, if I really spoke my mind you'd regret the publicity.

If it was gypsy's living room her vagina would say both.

Goddamnit.

Jane - we actually went to a show. It was decent.
Elvis - catch you next time. Let me know how the Lincoln volumes are going.
GI - whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Fucking Squeaking Puppies are driving me insane!!!!!

Okay, my supply-clay-clay says goodnight to all the early-bird pussies.

Happy now?

Oh, Carlos, you know how I hate le theatre.

My slow season is rearing up to kick my ass.

I know you hate the theatre, Jane. It's cool.

my vagina says good night to elvis' weiner and hey to the wittle puppy puppies!

there is nothing in this world better than puppy breath...pre shit eating of course!

Jane, I was lurking last night when you posted a zinger at 0303. I thought it was great and it was nice to see someone else burning the midnight oil. I seriously am loathing going back to college for my final semester. It is a love hate relationship. I want out but I like some of my professors.

So what did you see? Please tell me Monty Python or Avenue Q or something with pretty lights and effects.

Oh, GI - now I realize what you're talking about. That was soooo 12 hours ago.

Oh Jeez Joe. It's the PTT walk of shame.

Where was I "talking" at oh-three hundred?

Agreed gypsy, sorry about the giney comment but I knew it would bring you out of lurkerville.

Watch.

BOOBIES....

Red will be here in five, four, three,.....

Jane - Spring Awakening. It's closing January 18th and I'd never seen it, so I thought I'd give it a go. Decent music, nice set, but totally overhyped.

OK, for Kat's sake, I'll be a little improper.

Elvis, soon as I have direct knowledge, I will let you know if Tramadol goes well with KY (or in KY?)

Thank you for the clarification. And, since you still have Admin privileges, I think you should elucidate on the wonders of KY and Tramadol on spineless senate majority leaders. And also, such as.

Jane, I'm reasonably certain this is your living room. I can tell, because of the staircase to the left, leading to the basement...

Hi Carl! :)

QT

So who wrote this? Bob?

aaaaahh I know, Lee. How could I not?

Interesting how every group leaves someone out, isn't it?

Posted by: jane [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 6, 2009 3:27 AM

QT, don't go down there. I am reasonably certain it won't be pretty.

Hi QT :)

I'm pissed I keep missing the legendary Elvis evenings. We never know when he's going to leave the building again. And what the fuck is up with nuking his site?! That should be considered a crime.

QT, no offense but from your site I think you are a bible thumper. Plus, you break my balls all the time when I trash Christianity.

who else loves it when QT is bad? meow...move over rachel!

Last night, this morning, this day have been such a colossal waste of my time.

Thank god my ramblings are preserved forever on the internets.

Bible thumper. Odd expression. Do people really do that? I wouldn't take offense at being called one, in any event, unless one actually meant "thumping" in the sense of desecration. Then I'd be offended.

No - not a bible thumper. And yes, I will try to break something whenever someone trashes anyone's religion. Honest - I'm equal opportunity on that one. Don't much like people trashing Islam either. Fairly religious, Joe, but I belong to a Faith that lends to being friends with people wherever I find them. Hope I'm still welcome in your eyes. :)

QT

QT,

I am in the religion of loving humanity to include the religious ones. I really believe that human beings have more in common with each other than they think and the major religious force us apart.

Jane, what the hell do you do for a living with this much time on your hands or that much sleep deprivation? I hope you aren't a surgeon or nuclear engineer.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Joe }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I for the most part agree. I only believe that they don't HAVE to force us apart, and my own faith teaches that we ought to use religion to bring us all together.

Hah! Quote from my faith's scriptures:

If religion proves to be the source of hatred, enmity and contention, if it becomes the cause of warfare and strife and influences men to kill each other, its absence is preferable. For that which is productive of hatred amongst the people is rejected by God, and that which establishes fellowship is beloved and sanctioned by Him.

(Abdu'l-Baha, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 298)

QT

Joe, definitely nothing that important. Although every fucking customer acts otherwise.

I am lucky enough to have a mostly 9-5 existence. And the position flexible to oversleep (today) and not get fired over it.

can't believe i forgot to mention this....craig ferguson GOT MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!

So QT, do you still feel that gay marriage is wrong? Or have I misunderestimated you?

Gypsy, I was happy for him...yet crushed.

(Did you not love "Get a kettle on, Meghan"? I know I'm not supposed to be touchy-feely, but that killed me.)

i know!!! but still damn her!!!

Did someone say "threadkill"?

QT,

Don't read to deep into my fluffy explanation of what I believe. My hatred for the evangelicals doth boil over.

(Spellcheck doesn't get "doth" but Obama is foreign and unusual)

Goodnight, gang. See you on the morrow.

nite guys! i have had a day and am going to have a drumstick ice cream in bed while watching fergie and doing a sudoku!

No, I had to shut the puppies up. They were driven me nuts. I love them dearly but the mother is worthless. She lets them crawl away and they can't get back onto the pillow,BECAUSE THEY ARE BLIND, so she lets them cry until I pry myself away from the intertubes.

We find ourselves here to often Ms. Flommell.

Watch out for the Sudoku killer, Gypsy.

Fuck the type thing.

Also, PUUUUUPPIESSSSSS.

Goddamn, Joe. I never had problems going to sleep until a year ago (work-related mostly).

I blame you. And the puppies.

Jane,

I think we are all suffering from long Tuesday night withdraws during the previous year. MSM had me screaming at the TV at 0200 and waiting patiently for them to call it for Hillary or Obama.

Long-Tuesday Withdrawal Syndrome! Joe for the win! :)

Jane, I have been promising and promiing. A full answer on my site tomorrow. For tonight - if I were invited to a gay wedding, I'd go, and wish the couple happy, even if I blushed a bit at the homosexual kiss.

QT

Quite possibly. Jeebus knows I love any excuse for my bad behavior.

Did you see Anderson Cooper with the "Road to the Doghouse" on Daily Show last night?

Fucking cute puppies. Damn them.

QT, blush away, even go as far as thinking they should go straight to hell. But be mindful of your words and actions, as you seem to most of the time.

Take care.

You out Jane? Don't let me caught you lurking at 3am again or I will kidnap the fat one.

I hate it when Scrubs makes me cry.

theo, sweety you need to get your rest for your abstinence programing tomorrow. When you go to a shitty state college next year you can stay up this late.

Fuck, Joe, I was (more than) lurking waaaaay later than 3 am last night. I should so be in bed.

And I dare you to take the Fat One off my legs (and allow my blood to circulate again). Please, take the Fat One.

And that is the leading cause of diabetes in this country. Fat cats. Don't worry Jane I won't tell anyone about your winter coat you got going on your legs.

"your winter coat you got going on your legs. "

Hey, I shave!

Oh, you mean the Fat One. I swear he's well over 20 pounds by now. I can't feel my feet.

His real name is Nathan, but don't tell anyone. He values his anonymity on the internets.

Thanks for letting me further into your inner circle Jane. It will only be a matter of time before Nathan is mine.

This FB thing has actually been a good thing for the PTTers. I like knowing a little bit about who I am blogging with.

Boobmine was a classic. Theo make sure that whole thing makes it into the quote of the week.

Could I interest you in the Kid also? His annoying habits include spilling my drinks when I go to the bathroom, clawing up the furniture, climbing up the curtains, drinking from the toilet, breaking shit, and harassing the other two cats.

He is learning to fear the Spray Bottle, though. Heh.

Eesh, I left for a while.
GI: It's only 10:30 ish here in Cali.

Jane, you make him/her sound so appealing. You must be in sales.(I kid) Plus, if a kitty spilled my drink we would have problems and furniture destruction would be a buzz killer as well.

Theo, sorry I just assume the entire planet is on my time schedule. I will be waking up at 1215 EST tomorrow if anyone wants to join me.

GI: Heh, I was just about to ask if you ever sleep.

No, the army has fucked up my sleep schedule forever. It is weird that I can function very well with no sleep for about 72 hours as long as I can smoke. After 3 days I start to become a real asshole to everyone including my superiors which is a bad thing in my business.

Alright, GI, honestly, and no offense, but is there ANY part of a soldier's military life that the military doesn't fuck up?

I meant, is there any part of a soldier's PERSONAL life that that military doesn't fuck up?

I was screaming bloody fucking murder last night when that (cute) fucker spilled two full drinks in a row. Bet the neighbors loved me.

And fuck the type thing. I haven't been bumped off like this since pre-election, Internet Explorer days.

The wang.

The Army requires us to stay in good shape which is beneficial to a love life that changes every couple of months. Honestly, the pay and benefits are really good. Without these bullshit wars being a soldier would have been great in the last two decades.

They don't still give you saltpeter, do they?

Adding: Heh.

Yeah, I guess I can see all that. My dad loved the military.

Jane: if you don't sign into typekey and just type your name into the 'post comment' thing, it's ten times easier. I haven't lost a thing since I just started doing this. And you can just copy and paste your email address each time you want to post.

Theesers, all I have to do is click "sign in". My name/password are waiting for me. But this has not happened ONCE since Bob tinkered or I switched back to FF. Just today. Haven't lost anything, it's just annoying as balls.

(I've been in a foul mood all fucking day.)

Saltpeter is a myth. When I went to basic training I didn't get a stiff joint the entire time. This is also when I figured out I really liked girls because I was surrounded by men.

Yeah, the link says as much. But it was a great myth, huh.

Jane: awe, I'm sorry you've had such a shit day. Hope your next one's better.
GI: Hey, what else is going on with your wang? Seems we've been talkin' about it a lot.

Theo, that is because I am a hetero male in his mid 20s. You will notice this a lot in college.

Jane, please verify wang remarks from adolescent males.

Shit, GI, I've been in high school with the 'bad kids.' All we talked about is wang.

Hate to burst your bubble Theo, but it doesn't change in college. College is a lot like high school but with cigarettes.

Actually, Theo (and Joe), that shit don't necessarily end even into your thirties.

GI: Well, luckily, I'm not planning on college. Or stopping talking about wang.
I'd be interested to poll the ages of everyone on the GDAB.

Joe, we had cigarettes in high school. Junior high even, albeit more discreetly.

Theo, lots of things won't change (much as we'd like them to) for a long time. In some cases, never. Ahh youth!

GI: Oh, unhappy soul! You didn't have cigarettes in high school or junior high?

Theo, I am not an Army recruiter but please go to college. This recession will not be over for awhile and college will be a great place to hind until it ends. You can get so many grants and loans to go to college. Just make sure you claim yourself on your taxes this year if your parents can't afford to send you to college. The $1000 tax credit they will get for claiming you isn't shit compared to the $5000-$7000 grant(free money) you will get to go to college.

Jane, I agree that I may never stop talking about my hardware. I am kind of a child in that regard.(Maturity not body part)

Theo, a lot of otherwise sane people have their birth years on the FB, or have mentioned it here. Who are you missing?

Adding, one convenience of getting old (heh) is just lumping 5-10 year ranges together. As in "he's in his fifties" or "she's still in her twenties." It's close enough.

GI: Thanks for the concern, man. I'm going to culinary school, I've decided. Or I'll throw sanity and caution to the winds and go to UCB as an English major and write the great american novel. Well, the great russian novel.
Jane: Right, I thought of FB twelve seconds after I hit 'post.' Hm. I shall examine and post my results with next Mondays GDAB QOTW.

Good advice re taxes, Joe-of-the-childish-penis.

TH, unfortunately I did have cigarettes in high school and that is why I am still a smoker. So basically we have figured out that high school is the same as college. But, you don't have to show up to class and your parents won't get a phone call you will just fail and be out $3000.

Theo, watch out. Us old people don't like being reminded of our age.

I'm in independent study now, so I'm not sure how similar that would be to college. But high school, at least socially speaking, sounds ridiculously similar.

Also: CULINARY SCHOOL! You can write a novel with any goddamn degree. Don't waste your time being an English major unless you are already earning a living simultaneously.

Jane: Yeah, the age graph might be a bad idea.

Any job you ever work, for the rest of your life, will remind you of high school some or most of the time.

Take it to the fucking bank.

Heh, my mom said the same thing. Although she wants me to go into nursing.
But, god, do I love the Humanities.

Wait: stuff it in your mattress. It will be safer.

Jane: Lol, thanks for the advice. I think we lost The Joe.

theo, I go to an awesome technology college with everything you just mentioned. I love the humanities as well. I am a business major and this semester I am taking four humanity classes. Basically, your major is only half the crappy classes you will take the other half can be humanities. What I am trying to say is go to a technical college and if you hate culinary/nursing you can major in history/art/underwaterbasketweaving.

All I'm driving at is if you're gonna stay in school after high school, get a job skill out of it. Being an English major may be a fucking blast but if you're ready to be out there in the real world (or need to be earning a living), don't do it. At least not full time.

I was a *cough* business major. It taught me less than nothing, but the experience of school in general is helpful. I could have majored in anthropology, psychology, fucking anything, and been just as well off. (I went all year round so I could finish in three years, so by the time I realized this it was too late to change majors and stay on schedule.)
P.S. Take every advanced placement test you can- they give you credits for that shit.

I've been hearing the underwater basket weaving joke all my life, and by now it's starting to sound pretty good.
Yeah, I've 99% decided on culinary school. And the one percent is just in case I decide to run off and live in Morocco.

Theo, don't put anything in a bank right now or ever for that matter. I have been buying ammunition with every paycheck just in case the earth floods or our economy collapses. I live with a lot of hillbillies in the high ground out here and I think I will want some dry real estate during the next great flood.

see jane we are cut from the same cloth. Non sleepers, non breeders(except that one time), liberals, business majors, distaste for the establishment and PTT thread killers.

LURKERS COME OUT I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING ME!!!!!

Am I contradicting Joe? Maybe:
Yes, you can take whatever classes you like. (I was packing my schedule as tightly as I could.) And which degree you get means nothing unless you learn something from it.

Oh, and fuck typewad.

Hm. Lots of rather bizarre advice, here, guys, but that's the way I like it. And with that, I must sleep.

"Non sleepers"

Fuck. I just looked at the goddamn clock. Fuck.

Nite Theo.

And Joe, it's your fault. Goddamnit.

Has Lee posted any wackiness about group sex or artsy porn tonight?

(Spell check thinks God dammit is the proper way to say it.)

Theo go onto FB and look at everyone with college and see if they are doing anything close to what they went to school for. The answer is kind of. Bob was a poli sci major and he does get into politics but he makes a living from animation. My brother is a journalist major and he makes his living in the BOOB MINE. You see it is a great place to get started. This is coming from a guy that has taken 8 years to complete a bachelors. That is because I went to the army and thank god got a second chance to come back.

Education is the only investment that will be a guaranteed return on you money and more.

Fuck I am like a midnight infomercial for troubled high school seniors. This shit ain't free young lurkers.

Checking for Lee porn and religious arguments at 0255 EST. I am drunk enough to donkeypunch him in his coin purse for starting shit.

I would pay good mattress money to watch that.

I think bed in about thirty minutes. (I rule at procrastination!)

You are a business major. College taught me how to me very efficient at being lazy.

I have spent the time from 0730 to now (1418?--I hate military time, I hate math) catching up with last night then having to take a break because the laughter makes me hurt. You guys keep my endorphins jumping but I wish I could work out my sleep/awake shit to coincide with the words actually coming off your fingers.

Your biggest fan (and the morning-after joke),
Kathy
(no rank, no serial number, and FYI on the question about age and Facemat, I lied on the day to throw off the internet police--I'm almost as paranoid as Ms. FromHell--but I'm afraid I'm still every bit That Age).