Liveblogging begins here, at 10:00 EDT.

ELVIS : Its unreal how close I can cut this shit, time-wise.

REDMOND: Let's do this one for Cronky!

ELVIS : I'm some sort of reverse-idiot-savant.
For Cronky, HUZZAH!

REDMOND: There's a man who loved him some cock jokes. True story.

ELVIS : Nobody did Cock Jokes like Cronkite.

ELVIS : How did I know the first gag would be a Wise Latina Gag?

REDMOND: Because you're psychic.

ELVIS: Ever gag a wise Latina, by the way?

- - - - - - -

REDMOND: Remember that time you predicted I'd eat a sandwich? YOU WERE RIGHT.

ELVIS : Octomom, really?

REDMOND: He went there.

ELVIS : Because he's Political.

REDMOND: Michael Jackson jokes. Timely.

ELVIS : Oh right, Bill Maher: YOU should mock the limp-wristed.
I'm sorry, how did you pronounce that, Bill? So-TO-Mier?

REDMOND: Latina not a pinata! Ole!

ELVIS : She's not the fucking Prime Minister of Israel, douche.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: I like to believe we're living three Americas

ELVIS : Tough crowd.
I prefer Bizarro America

REDMOND: Yes... it's the crowd.

REDMOND: How are Republicans getting laid so much?
Pity sex? It's pity sex isn't it?
DOUCHEBOROUGH!!!

ELVIS : Don't forget: They're also rich.

REDMOND: Right. Forget the richness.

ELVIS : They can pay to have hookers put things in their asses.
Like other hookers.
Hi Joe! Hey Joe? Fuck you, Joe!

REDMOND: I once knew a man from Nantucket

ELVIS : Did you? Did he had some sort of abnormally large penis?

REDMOND: I believe that's how it ended

ELVIS : Never heard it.

REDMOND: There was much drinking

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: Oh, wow, now Joe Scarborough likes Sotomayor
Excuse me while I bang my head off a desk
Or that guy from Nantucket's... you know what? Let's stop there.

ELVIS: Yes, let’s.

ELVIS : Joe Scarborough: Be nice to Latinos, you need their delicious brown votes!

REDMOND: Joe Scarborough: Racist Buster

ELVIS : Young Republicans: Tomorrow's Fucking Pinheaded Assclowns, TODAY!

REDMOND: When he's on liberal talk shows.

ELVIS : FUCK BEN NELSON! I can say that as a Nerbaskan.

REDMOND: You've got to seize those moments while you can.
Those very, very few moments. That don't involve corn.

ELVIS: Mmmm. Corn.

- - - - - - -

REDMOND: Short answer, Bill: NO. Jesus loves the wrong side.
Why is Joe sweating so much?

ELVIS : I'm eating Shrimp and Cheese.
Just FYI.

REDMOND: Are Republicans too horny? These are the pressing issues of our times.

ELVIS: "Republican" and "horny" in the same sentence makes me vomit in my mouth.

ELVIS : Wait, isn't that President Bartlet's National Security Advisor?!?!?

REDMOND: Someone just got a West Wing boner. Down! Down, boy, down!

ELVIS : (You're not a West Wing fan, so, yes, it is.)

REDMOND: Verbal "undress." I'm listening...

ELVIS : Mmmm. I'm imagining Kos naked.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: I don't like working in groups.
I work alone.
Actually, I do a lot of things alone... Wait, you're not my therapist.

ELVIS : I could be, Sailor!
Meow!
Wait, there's a Supreme Court nomination going on? I hadn't heard that.
Wow, way to Suck, Kos.

REDMOND: Wow, this panel is ON.

ELVIS : Hmm? Wha-wha-wha? Sorry, I dozed off.
Does anyone actually LIVE in Montana?

REDMOND: Wow. Montana: Suck us dry!

ELVIS : Nat Clean Cole?

REDMOND: Nicely played, Governor.

ELVIS : POW!
There may even be some racism in that joke.
If you listen carefully.

REDMOND: That's good old timey xenophobia.

ELVIS : Bartlet's National Security Advisor isn't buying this shit.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: Cap and Trade: The Taibbi doesn't like.
He told me so in Rolling Stone.
Why does this feel like that Spaceballs gag?
When did that happen?
Just now.
When?
That was now. This is now now.

ELVIS : Taibbi likes nothing.

REDMOND: That's true. He likes cynicism.

ELVIS : And himself.
But I love him.
He's just grumpy.

REDMOND: And bleak dystopian futures where the government fucks in the rectal cavity with our own detached arms.
I may have exaggerated that last part. But probably not

ELVIS : Why can't we figure out a way to drill Green Energies out of Kos's Oompa Loompa pancake makeup?

- - - - - - - -

ELVIS : Kos must have smoked an enormous blunt before coming out.
The Malaise Speech. He said every word in the English Language in that speech. Except "malaise."

REDMOND: Ha. I'll trust you.

ELVIS : Seriously.
Never said "malaise" in that speech.

REDMOND: Because you have the history knowledges.

ELVIS : Brilliant speech.
Carter was lightyears ahead of his time.
Except he's an Evangelical, so he doesn't believe in the concept of "lightyears."

REDMOND: Yes, Bill. Because Obama's watching HBO and going "Aw, shit, Maher's pissed. Get Congress on the red phone!"

ELVIS : Right. Bill Maher makes Rahm Emmanuel cry.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: You know who's been hammering away at the futility of bipartisanship?
Bob Cesca on BobCesca.com

ELVIS : I enjoy that Bob Cesca

REDMOND: Hint hint nudge nudge

ELVIS : At http://www.bobcesca.com
He's good peoples.

REDMOND: He writes a mean blog
Like flapjacks on a cold monrning
No idea what I just said.

ELVIS : Yeah, that was queer as a three dollar bill. Rolled up and put in the pee-hole of a real queer.

REDMOND: Governor Sanford e-mails!

ELVIS : I hear these emails are real.

REDMOND: Wow. Mark Foley: Wordsmith.
Sanford: You're a delicate deer in a golden meadow.

Foley: There's an erection in my old man pants.

ELVIS : And it's rubbing against my Depends diaper.

REDMOND: Sanford: We should watch a romantic movie together.

ELVIS : Foley: Put your finger in my butt.

REDMOND: Hiyo!

ELVIS : Speaking of fingers in butts: It's Jason Alexander!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

REDMOND: And you nailed it. Did he e-mail you too?

ELVIS : I email HIM!

REDMOND: THESE PRETZELS ARE MAKING ME THIRSTY!

ELVIS : AHAHAHAHAHA!
Pretzels FTW!

REDMOND: I couldn't resist.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: Jason Alexander is a Jew?

ELVIS : Duh.

REDMOND: But his career sucks.
See what I did there?

ELVIS : POW!
Anti-Semitism for the block!

REDMOND: ZIP! BANG!

ELVIS : It's obvious that KRAMER is the key to Middle East peace, isn't it?

REDMOND: No one ever suspects the Anti-Semitism.
Except the Jews. They're kind of onto it.

ELVIS : Am I in some sort of Bizarro Universe? Is George Costanza lecturing me on Middle Eastern politics? What the FUCK?

REDMOND: Just wait. He's going to say the water was cold.

ELVIS : Shrinkage!

REDMOND: Like a frightened turtle, Elaine!

ELVIS : This reminds me of when Fred Mertz from I LOVE LUCY solved the Holocaust

REDMOND: "Both end of the nut spectrum." I'm storing that in my word back.
Or word bank. Whatever. I spells things how I likes.

ELVIS : I'd fuck Fred Mertz like he was Marilyn Monroe pre-uterine scraping.

REDMOND: I have never seen Munich. Is it cool?

ELVIS : Never seen it.
I OWN it. Never seen it.

REDMOND: Wow. We are horrible pop culturist.

ELVIS : And it's a fucking Spielberg movie.
Yeah, let's work on our Pop Culture Radio Show, shall we?

REDMOND: Let's call: Two Cocks Who Never Saw Munich.
It's got zazz!

ELVIS : Wait, Osama Bin Laden is still at large?!?!?
What the fuck president let THAT bullshit go on for 8 years???

REDMOND: Who? I thought Saddam Hussein was flying all three planes.
With Barbara Streisand.
Or so talk radio tells me.

ELVIS : Right.
And a Jew named Hymie told all the World Trade Center Semites to clear out.
On WJEW Radio
Wow, Bill just said something profound.
Talent has no moral dimension.
I must now ponder that like Spock.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: Gotta call Costanza on the self hatred.
Because every person in that family has that nose.
Janet and LaToya anyone?

ELVIS : Yes, please. I'll have two Janets. I’ll pass on the LaToyas.

REDMOND: Arnold loves the wacky weed because SKYNET DEMANDS IT.

ELVIS : I HAVE DETAILED FILES.

REDMOND: Don't shake your head in agreement, Costanza. We know about your "panda room." We know.

ELVIS : Mmmmm. Pandas.

- - - - - - -

REDMOND: Way to piss on Walter Cronkite, Kos.
Nice. Well said.

ELVIS : Remember: He's young!

REDMOND: I'm 29 and I know who Cronkite is.
I also write about boobies on the interweb all day. Still know who Cronkite is.

ELVIS : I remember watching him call Kennedy's death. Live. True story.

REDMOND: Whoa. Easy on the Ice Road Truckers.
They drive trucks. ON ICE.

ELVIS : ON ICE!!!!
Hahahahaha, that says "Hell Sinky"!
Someone on Maher's staff was paid to nail that one.

REDMOND: Did you see the one where the ice broke? Shiiiiiiiiit.
HA. I suddenly respect George Bush.

REDMOND: Just a tad. A small, small tad.

ELVIS : Yeah, uh, Mike? If I ever watch a show about guys driving trucks on ice, fly to Nebraska and shoot me in the face.

- - - - - - - -

REDMOND: Joe Jackson jokes. ZIFF! BOFF! BOOM!

ELVIS : KA-POW!

REDMOND: I don't think we're fragile. But don't disagree with me or I'll cry for ten hours.

ELVIS : HAHAHAHAHA!
I like fat kids. Makes 'em easier to catch.

REDMOND: WHOA! Michael Jackson playdate joke. TERRIBLE! Because it's true.

ELVIS : Wait, Noah's Ark didn't happen?!?!?

REDMOND: It totally happened.

ELVIS : Jesus on a T-Rex, bitches!

REDMOND: Moses hearts stegosaurus. It's in the bible!
Except not really. But, hey, why write about giant thunder lizards when there's yaks to divide?

ELVIS : Right. Me? As a writer? I'm going with the Thunder Lizards.
Dividing the yaks was SO Old Testament.
Oh, wait...
What's your dad's number, I'm fucking my Scripture all up.

REDMOND: Someone should let Bill Britney's one Frappucino away from Batshittown again.
But good point nevertheless.

ELVIS : I'll edit that "let" to read "tell"
As that's the word you meant there.

REDMOND: His number is 1-800-PALIN-IS-A-FIGHTER
Every church was required to change their number to that
Just FYI

ELVIS : Noted.