Our boarding passes. Air travel—already incredibly annoying, unnecessarily time-consuming, and frustrating—may well find that those of us who don't have to go by air won't. I already gave up the vile practice several years ago.

Hey I'd go for some complementary jammies after getting a tastefully done nude pat down. Throw in some cocktails and a couple of Vicodin and let's party! Do you think that mandatory alcoholic beverages would keep Islamic extremists off the planes?

You better go commando!

Simple:
1) Check all luggage
2) TSA provides one piece, paper/cloth jumpsuit (like the shorts they give you at the doctor’s office)
3) Everyone strips in sex appropriate room
4) Deposit all clothing jewelry etc. in provided satchel
5) Satchel is scanned and checked in separate compartment from luggage
6) Fly in bored misery to destination where upon arrival you, your clothes and your dignity are reunited

Wow, that would be one smelly ass plane. It would smell like a Caligula type orgy on board.

As an airline pilot I have to deal with these "professionals" almost everyday. I have to go through the same security screening (oh except I get to keep my shoes on) that passengers go through. I can carry as much liquids as I want but still have to take my laptop out and can't have any sharp objects. Nevermind the fact that I will shortly be in control of a JET AIRCRAFT and that I also have a fire extinguisher and very sharp CRASH AXE within easy reach. Also, I actually don't have to go through security at some of the smaller airports. Now does that make any sense?

Before the actual midair diarrhea incident, when I heard that they were placing hour-long restroom usage restrictions on flights my thought was, "oh fuck, what about old guys like me that have a rotten prostate and suffer from IBS post-hemicolectomy".

Break out the depends I guess. Of course you can't put them on until after the fully nude, cavity search, and g-d forbid that you have any relatively fresh surgical scars because you just know they're gonna' have to look inside!

@kansasdem My first reaction was "Ewwwwwwww!" but my second reaction was, "that's a good point though". Restricting anyone with IBS, caused by surgery or inherited, from a bathroom is a BAAAAAADDDD idea.

And I hope everyone enjoys flying with my kid and his dam-bursting, horror-movie-style overflowing diaper situation. Sorry in advance, fellow air-travellers. Because it's already awesome enough flying with kids.....