Sex

In Defense of Men

Men -- especially white men -- have a lot to account for. Let's face it, we have a universe of nasty karma in store for us following centuries of genocide, abuse, wars, subjugation, misogyny, slavery and general awfulness.

On cable news and on the internet today, men are getting painted with the Weiner brush. But I wanted to find out whether or not marriage infidelity is mostly the domain of men -- specifically, men in Congress.

So, in general, who cheats more often? Men or women?

Lisa Firestone reports for the Huffington Post:

In the United States, 45 to 55 percent of married women and 50 to 60 percent of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time during their relationship, according to a 2002 study published in Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy.

A difference of around five percent, with men cheating more often. But only slightly. Another study determined that men and women in power are equally likely to cheat.

Let's couple that with three variables.

1) There are significantly more men in Congress than women. Out of 535 members, there are only 92 women in the 111th Congress. Less than 20 percent female. There are only six women governors out of 50.

2) Members of Congress, and people in power, are under much more scrutiny than rank and file citizens. It's news, whether we like it or not.

3) People who run for national office are psychologically different from the rest of us. What kind of person looks in the mirror and says, "Oh yes. I will be President of the United States!" Or, "I will be one of only 535 people in an exclusive club of lawmakers. I know best how to govern people." That's ego. Massive, gigantoid ego. Or psychopathy...

John Stevens, a former Merrimack Valley family counselor and the current regional director for Arbour Health Systems, isn't so sympathetic.

"Many cheating individuals, especially in arenas of power, attained these positions in an opportunistic, Machiavellian manner that is highly correlated with psychopathy," Stevens said. "(Psychopathy) by nature is grossly self-serving, arrogant, immoral and unconcerned about the welfare of others, (be it) a business competitor, a spouse, or children."

Grouped together, Congress and state governments are dominated by (possibly psychopathic) men under intense scrutiny by a ratings/profit-driven news media starving for a good sex scandal.

It stands to reason, then, that it might seem as if men hold exclusivity on being lecherous cheating bastards. But I wonder whether or not, if congressional demographics more closely resembled American societal gender demographics, we'd see more women members caught up in sex scandals.

One other variable here: testosterone. I'm well aware of the stupid things testosterone can make us do. (I hasten to add: I've never cheated on a girlfriend or spouse, but testosterone has definitely made me do and say reckless things.) We do dangerous things. We leap before we look. Perhaps our hormonally driven tendencies contribute to men being caught cheating more often, while women are more clever and cautious about their cheating.

Ultimately, I don't know if this is a guy thing. It's more likely a human thing.

UPDATE: Some further statistics on the demographics of infidelity. The Kinsey Institute, the authority on sexual surveys, reports 10-15 percent of women and 20-25 percent of men have engaged in extramarital sex at least once (source pdf). Albert Kinsey himself, in his 1948 report, split the numbers as "one fifth" of women and "one third" of men.