Evidence that John Schnatter is Big Whiny Pouty Sore Loser

Forbes crunched the numbers for Papa John's and discovered that they could finance healthcare for everyone by raising the prices of their (really crappy) pizza by around three to five cents per pizza.

Last year, Papa John’s International captured $1.218 billion in revenue. Total operating expenses were $1.131 billion. So if Schnatter’s math is accurate (Obamacare will cost his company $5-8 million more annually), then new regulation translates into a .4% to .7% (yes, fractions of a percent) expense increase. It’s difficult to set that ratio against the proposed pie increase, given size and topping differentials, but many of their large specialty pizzas run for $16. Remarkably, a 10-14 cent increase on a $16 pizza falls in a comparable range: .6% to.9%. But the cost transference becomes less equitable if you’re looking at medium pizzas, which run closer to $12, meaning a .8% to 1.15% price increase.

For the sake of argument, let’s say that Papa John’s sells exactly half medium/half large specialty pizzas. Averaging the ranges for both sizes, then averaging that product yields a .86% price increase — well outside the range of what Schnatter says Obamacare will cost him.

So how much would prices go up, under these 50/50 conditions, if they were to fairly reflect the increased cost of doing business onset by Obamacare? Roughly 3.4 to 4.6 cents a pie.

I've tried Papa John's exactly once and hated its pizza. But I suppose for the millions of others who buy it, I'm positive they wouldn't even notice the price increase.

But of course this has nothing to do with actual money or Schnatter's massive fortune. It has everything to do with a rich white conservative Republican throwing a tantrum. And his tantrum means his diminishing employees -- and their families -- won't get health insurance. Good guy.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    I wouldn’t begrudge someone like John Schnatter making a fortune peddling shitty pizza. But when you go out and whine about having to raise the cost of your pizzas a few more fucking cents, just to cover the cost of health coverage to the employees that helped make your fortune, then you are a greedy, sniveling, despicable, diaper baby that deserves all the scorn headed your way.

  • IrishGrrrl

    I will never eat another Papa John’s pizza (sometimes they are all that’s available but I’ll just eat something else).

  • mzmijewski

    But you are thinking and using data. What is wrong with you?

  • D_C_Wilson

    Maybe he knows that his pizza tastes like shit and isn’t worth a nickel.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    I wonder if people like this actually think they can un-do the election by doing this. That somehow, some way, by some mechanism no one knows about, someone or some entity will just say, “OK, we’ll make Romney president for you.”

    These are like children acting out after they’ve been punished or got a bad grade on a test, as if saying how upset they are, by itself, will cause the adult to reverse the outcome.

    • Bob Rutledge

      At this point it’s all about laying the groundwork for the 2014 midterms and even getting the first digs in on the 2016 Prez race.

      What, y’all thought there’d be a break from campaigning? Pish.

      • D_C_Wilson

        Yep. Apparently, the new strategy is to drive unemployment up by laying off people so that they’ll punish the democrats in 2014.

        • IrishGrrrl

          And how fucking ugly is that? They’re disgusting.

  • mdblanche

    Maybe they wouldn’t have to raise prices at all if they gave away a few million less free samples…

  • SlapFat

    I think alot of these guys are wimps in their capacity as business owners. Isn’t spending money to make money a part of capitalism? The way they throw themselves on the ground at the thought of having to alter their allocation of funds, even in such a minor capacity, is pathetic.

  • Ipecac

    This is what kills me. These right wing CEOs go on and on about the free market and how everything should be privatized, but this is a perfect example of why that’s bullcrap. Papa Johns could easily provide all its thousands of employees with healthcare with no impact on their bottom line, but they don’t. Likewise, the Walton family is worth over $50 BILLION. They could also easily give every single Wal-Mart employee health insurance with virtually no impact on their vast wealth. But they don’t.

    If these people weren’t such money hoarding, cheap, unempathic bastards, they could significantly improve the lives of millions of lower income Americans overnight. But they’d rather have slightly more money that they will never be able to spend.

    • D_C_Wilson

      The Waltons love the current system just fine, where over half their employees qualify for food stamps and Medicaid.

      Don’t just love knowing that you’re subsidizing their lavish lifestyles even if you’ve never set foot inside one of their stores?

    • Brutlyhonest

      Greed and selfishness are the cornerstones of the modern Republican party.

  • Razor

    But liberals are the ones with the sense of entitlement?

  • eljefejeff

    When I first moved to my house 9 years ago, Papa Johns was nearby and always sent coupons in the mail so they were our regular pizza place. After not too long, I began to notice it wasn’t really that good and discovered AT LEAST a dozen better places within the same distance from my house and I’ve never gone back. And comparing prices, they aren’t that cheap even with a coupon. Fuck them.

  • zirgar

    I haven’t had PJ’s pizza in ages. I will admit to liking it at one time as it seemed like it was fresh and really did use better ingredients than the other chains, but over time, like in lots of other enterprises, it seemed like PJ’s cut corners and the product became more and more bland. Also, I really began to support local places as opposed to frequenting big franchises and while it might cost slightly more to do so (but probably not, I’ve never actually done a study on it), I won’t go back. As far as pizza goes, one of the best pizza places on the planet is this local joint, run by the same Sicilian immigrant who opened it 35 years ago, and the pizza is out of this world. He makes his own sausage and pepperoni every day, the crust is so light, crisp and chewy, the sauce so wonderfully zesty and vibrant with tomato-ish goodness–Sorry, but I haven’t eaten yet today and I started thinking about lunch…

    • IrishGrrrl

      Which reminds me, there is this small Italian place (actually run by a Bulgarian, I think) around the corner, Cousin Vinny’s Pizza and Pasta. He makes the best steamed mussels I’ve ever had. And I’ve eaten them in Rome, in DC at the Watergate Hotel, the Four Seasons in NYC….Now I’m hungry darnit!

  • Nefercat

    I would gladly pay that much more for any product (no PJ near me) if it meant that the employees would have more hours and health care as well.

    Why does Schnatter assume that his customers are as big a bunch of assholes as he is himself?

    • IrishGrrrl

      “Why does Schnatter assume that his customers are as big a bunch of assholes as he is himself?”

      A liar always thinks everyone else is lying, a cheater that everyone else is cheating, a thief that everyone else is stealing………

      • incredulous72

        Or at least that’s what they tell themselves to justify their actions.

        “Everyone else is doing it!”

  • freakishlystrong

    Since we’re all bathing in schadenfreude this week…they’re getting the shit sued outta them for spamming..