The Daily Banter

Alex Jones: The Government Is Trying to Make More Gay People

My Thursday column and the most ridiculous conspiracy theory of the week:

During yesterday's Senate hearing on the consulate attack in Benghazi, Senator Rand Paul grilled Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and told her that if he had been the president (please God, no) he would've fired her following the incident. He didn't really substantiate on what grounds he would've fired her because by all official accounts she didn't do anything wrong. By the way, none of the Republican senators acknowledged the 11 different consulate attacks under President Bush or accounted for why the Republicans weren't anywhere near as outraged by the dozens of casualties in those attacks and how the Bush administration really didn't "keep us safe" after all.

Anyway, Rand Paul continued by bringing up a far-right conspiracy theory torn from the headlines of Glenn Beck's ridiculous website. Specifically, he asked Clinton whether Chris Stevens, the slain ambassador killed in Benghazi, had been involved in shipping American arms to Syrian rebels through Turkey. The theory goes that Stevens was working closely with former anti-Qaddafi rebels, the Libyan Islamic Fighting Group, which, in turn, is buddy-buddy with al-Qaeda. Through Stevens, jihadist factions within the anti-Assad forces received SA-7 heat-seeking missiles that once belonged to Qaddafi. And just before the September 11 attack, Stevens had met with the Turkish ambassador and therefore... conspiracy! So your basic "Obama is with the terrorists!" agenda. I'm not sure if this gets its own separate "Gate" suffix or if it all gets mixed in with the broader Benghazi-Gate conspiracy nonsense. Who knows.

Clinton said she wasn't aware of any such plot. Of course.

Amazingly, however, this wasn't the kookiest conspiracy theory to be churned up this week. That honor goes to a theory mentioned by Alex Jones... [continue reading]

  • D_C_Wilson

    It never ceases to amaze me how the republicans hate Obama so much that they’re coming to the defense of people like Qaddafi and Assad.

  • muselet

    I have the government documents where they said they’re going to encourage homosexuality with chemicals so that people don’t have children.

    Oh, for crying out … First, as Bob so helpfully pointed out, there ain’t no such thing as a gay-causing chemical. Second, how would a Care in the Community case like Alex Jones get his hands on government documents? And third, Alex Jones still drinks out of juice boxes?

    But let’s take him at his word when he says he is in possession of “government documents” describing this nefarious scheme to turn us all gay. I’m sure I speak for the entire sane population of the United States when I say to Mr. Jones, if you do have such important documents, they need to be seen by the American people, in unedited, unredacted form.

    Here’s your chance to show that you’re not merely the punchline to an unfunny joke, Mr. Jones, your chance to show that you’re not just some random lunatic with a radio show.

    In short, it is time, Mr. Jones, to put up or shut up.


  • zirgar

    The goverment shouldn’t be in the business of making gay people–that’s the private sector’s job!

  • Dan_in_DE

    It’s impossible to satirize the far-right with enough absurdity that they won’t soon end up saying the same thing in all sincerety.

    Haha! Because Jones is just expounding on Colbert’s 2009 thesis that, “baby carrots are trying to turn me gay.”

  • zirgar

    Whoa! Be careful there, right wingers. If you buy into this conspiracy then you’re basically saying gays are born that way, that it’s not a choice. Of course, then you’ll just turn around and say it’s a congenital defect that needs correcting. Nevermind. Carry on.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Well, if it catches, the next time a republican is caught trolling the men’s room, he can claim that the government made him gay!

  • Nefercat

    Wait. I thought everything ended in “-cliff” now, “-gate” being sooo 20th century. Or something.

    Maybe we can just call every hairball republican scheme or idea from now on stupidgate. Or stupidcliff.