Food Gun Fetishists Guns

Don’t Forget Your Decoder Ring

If you can prove that you’re one of us — and by us I mean the cult of gun fetishists — you will receive a discount on bad pizza.

Virginia Beach, Va. – Slice by slice, one Virginia Beach pizza shop is showing its support for the Second Amendment by offering fifteen percent off pies to gun owners.

“All they have to do is show me that they’re carrying a weapon or they can show me their concealed weapons permit and they can get the discount,” says All Around Pizza owner, Jay Laze. [...]

“I thought it was a great idea and I was wondering why nobody here was doing it,” he says. “It should be happening all around the country.”

It’s only a matter of time before someone pulls out a gun hoping to receive $1 off on a hotdog and a fellow armed patron mistakes them for an evildoer because of the way they’re dressed or because of their skin color.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    “I thought it was a great idea and I was wondering why nobody here was doing it,” he says. “It should be happening all around the country.”

    Because Captain Numbnuts, nobody’s stupid enough to try and drive away a massive chunck of potential customers by creating a batshit insane marketing campaign like the one you’ve suggested!

  • Brutlyhonest

    Yep, this is the shithole I live in. The photo that ran with the story in today’s paper was pure sterotyped goodness. It even had a ron paul poster on the wall.

    • IrishGrrrl

      My advice to you is never, ever, ever read local news. I go so far as to never, ever, ever watch the local news on TV either. Only way to keep my sanity in Ari-loony-zona

  • Smitiwerben Jaegermanjensen

    We really are in Bizarro World. Sure, if I “show” my gun, I can get 15% off. But if I “brandish” it, in theory, I could get my pizza for free.

  • Ipecac

    I just don’t get it. Why would being in a pizza place filled with people with guns make these numbnuts feel more safe? If I see some idiot in the local JC Penney with an open assault rifle, I’m calling the cops.

    • i_a_c

      Moreover, I don’t know why the gun carriers believe that everyone is just OK with carrying a firearm wherever. I don’t know about anyone else but if I saw someone holding a gun I would automatically assume the worst was about to happen and perhaps soil myself.

  • JimmyAbra

    I wonder if the pizza employees will lose any benefits do to giving these discounts ;-) Because we all know losing 14 cents per pizza could cause benefits to go away…

  • i_a_c

    Yes, when the wingnuts claim it is their God-given right to bear arms, they are only talking about white folks. They view others as per se dangerous and the reason “good guys with guns” need to exist.

    • IrishGrrrl

      In Amurrika only white males actually have rights, didn’t you know that? Geez!

      • i_a_c

        The sad part is that this was true for much of our history. Maybe this is what they’re talking about when they wax poetic about the Founding Fathers?

        • IrishGrrrl

          I think there is some waxing going on for “the past” when men were men and everyone else knew their place. Sad but true.