Worst Person in the World

This series of posts always circles back to Ted Nugent. This time, Nugent claimed he deliberate shot 455 pigs from a helicopter (brave!) in order to piss off Bill Maher, who happens to sit on the board of PETA.

“I took my machine gun in the helicopter — in the Texas hill country – me and my buddy ‘Pigman’ … his name is ‘Pigman’ – I’m the swine czar. I killed 455 hogs with my machine gun. I did it for Bill Maher and all those other animal rights freaks out there.”

WOW! HE’S SO BADASS BECAUSE HE KILLED ANIMALS FROM THE SAFE DISTANCE OF A HELICOPTER! Of course I understand that millions of pigs are slaughtered in meat packing plants (not good either). But Nugent seems to take way too much joy in killing animals and tormenting anyone who questions why he gets all giddy and masturbatory over how many animals he’s killed.

Later, he said he donated the pig meat to homeless shelters, and this is supposed to shield him from any criticisms of his sociopathic blood-lust. But this is sort of like saying, “I got really drunk and plowed my car into a school bus full of children, but I recycled my wrecked car for its scrap metal, so no harm done and I rule!”

  • muselet

    Let me admit right up front that I’m not an expert on either aircraft or automatic weapons, so I may be wrong here. Having said that, it seems to me that Ted Nugent’s machine gun would have been spraying hot shell casings all over the cabin of “Pigman”‘s helicopter, creating an unacceptable risk for all on board.

    I can only see three possible explanations: (a) “Pigman” owns (or rented for this little lark) a helicopter large enough to provide a safe separation between cockpit and gunman; (b) “Pigman” has a brain the size of a carbuncle to allow someone to fire a machine gun next to him while flying an aircraft; and/or (c) Ted Nugent is lying. Again.


  • burbank_burt

    Nugent’s pigs?

  • bphoon

    Sounds like bullshit to me. Typical Nugent. Fuck him.

  • LeShan Jones

    Par for the course for lil Teddy Nougat.
    I would say that he’d next be getting his thrills by hunting humans, but then I recall his short-lived tv show was about him doing exactly that. Where do you go from there?

  • apocalipstick

    As someone who has fired automatic weapons (I do not feel validated by the experience, mention to support the following assertion), I will say that he’s lying. First, if they were wild hogs, where did he find 455 (right) of them in a bunch? If they were domesticated, what farmer/rancher is presently pissed at the Motor City Madman? How did he donate the meat? Animals killed via automatic weapons fire from a helicopter would be so torn up as to be beyond salvaging.

    • Ed Novak

      Plus, the logistics! 455 is a large quantity of pigs to butcher. Doable for a large farm, I’d imagine, if all of the pigs were corralled together and led one-by-one into a well-staffed slaughterhouse, but if Nugent was circling around in a helicopter, he presumably wasn’t participating in the orderly and organized operation of pig killing. Even if he was just firing shots into a corral, he’d still be creating tons (literally) of work for the farmers by leaving the corpses lying in the dirt, meaning they’d have to be lifted and carried into the slaughterhouse manually.

      So the real story is, Ted Nugent is so hopelessly insecure about his manhood that he made up a story about killing unrealistic numbers of defenseless farm animals so that nobody would know what a sad little troglodyte he is.

  • Bubble Genius

    Adding: what is it with these conservatives and their penchant for specificity in numbers? 205 names on Tailgunner Joe’s list, 78-81 names on Allen West’s. 2:50 from Paul Ryan’s marathon run (at least this one could be disproved, I guess), John Iselin’s Heinz 57 claims (ohwait, that one was fake). Hint to the GOP: just because you’re not rounding your numbers doesn’t make the claim any more believable.

  • Bubble Genius

    Soooooo, he shot them from a helicopter and then what? Retraced the flight path with a semi to pick up the carcasses? If they were visible from a helicopter, they had to be pretty large pigs. Plus what 1933john said.

  • burbank_burt

    It’s a bogus story. He’s a liar. At the very least, this story can be verified by finding out who did/did not process the meat and which shelters did/did not receive it.

  • 1933john

    Pork laced with lead, what a combo plate that will make.

  • Ipecac

    I call shenanigans. I’m pretty sure Nugent can’t count all the way to 455.