National Review: Black Guy Stole My Bike

It’s time to face the facts about race says Victor Davis Hanson at The National Review, and the fact is white people are right to fear black males because they tried to steal his bike once.


I’ve heard “black guy stole my bike” jokes since before I was old enough to even understand what it meant or what the implications of them were. Here Victor Hanson offers one up as a justification for teaching your children that it’s right to be afraid of black males. And he is very specific. He doesn’t believe you have any reason to be afraid of black women or the elderly, but young black males in particular. Because they tried to steal his bicycle.

Of course he doesn’t stop there. A significant portion of the column is dedicated to presenting anecdotes of violence committed by black males.

In one, there was a gruesome story of a young African-American male charged with ransacking a San Francisco jewelry store and murdering two employees, Khin Min, 35, of San Francisco, and Lina Lim, 51, of Daly City. The owner of the shop, Vic Hung, fought back and survived, despite receiving gunshot and stab wounds in the attack. [...]

In the other paper, there was a strangely similar tale. Not far away, in Santa Rosa, at about the same time, two African-American youths in hoodies attacked another jewelry store, also had a shoot-out with the owner, and also failed to evade the police — though in this case none of the employees or customers was injured. [...]

And on and on and on across America each day, this same tragedy is played out of a small percentage of Americans committing violent crimes at rates far exceeding their proportion of the general population.

The obvious problem is that Victor Hanson would never suggest that we profile white guys because he just read a story about a school shooting perpetrated by a young white kid in Connecticut, a disgruntled employee going on a shooting rampage in rural Kentucky, or a man firing his gun into the air and hitting a child on the fourth of July.

Even if you give Hanson the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s simply naive rather than overtly racist, consider this:

I offer one final surreal footnote to this strange juxtaposition of reading the real news while listening to the mytho-history that a Eric Holder constructed from the death of Trayvon Martin to indict both the police and the public.

What were the names of two of the men suspected of being the ones who last week shot it out with the Santa Rosa jeweler as Eric Holder demagogued the Trayvon Martin shooting?

Traveon Banks-Austin and Alexander Tyvon Brandon.

Get it? Their names were Traveon Banks-Austin and Alexander Tyvon Brandon.

That sounds black, doesn’t it? They must be violent felons, right? Up to no good. I bet they’re plotting to steal your bicycle right now.

Victor Davis Hanson sounds like the name of a serial killer with a fetish for wearing women’s garments, but I certainly wouldn’t suggest that his name alone justifies exercising extreme caution around him.

  • 1933john

    In 1947, when I was a lad of 14, I stole a car from a white guy, actually
    several from several whites…..so there!

  • mrbrink

    Seriously, though. The Francis Buxtons of the country stole everyone’s bike and shipped it to the basement of the Alamo.

    “I bought this pen exactly one hour before my bike was stolen. Why? What’s the significance? I DON’T KNOW!” ~ Pee Wee Herman

  • moelarryandjesus

    Here’s Victor Davis Handjob’s kind of guy:


    Two peas in a pod.

  • missliberties

    Victor Davis Hanson does sound like the name of a serial killer, now that you mention it.

    What is with the bicycle fetish?

    A marine from the VietNam era told a similar anectodal tale about a n***** on a bike. He and his buddies bet the n***** stole it. They stopped him and sure enough it was a stolen bike. ???? !!!! I don’t get it.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Hey now, Ash! I hope you don’t think everyone named Victor is some sort of criminal deviant.

  • mrbrink

    You believe this shit? I know.

    Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson just drove off with the global economy!

    When I was 8 years old an older white dude around 20-something with blond hair and a handlebar mustache stole my bike by saying he wanted to race my best friend down the block. I said, “uh, alright,” and that fucker never came back! It was a like-new bicycle! I was a kid! I was pissed, but I always just sort of laughed it off. I’ve had lots of bikes stolen. That’s life in the big city.

    In certain situations my mom sometimes tells the story of the time she was driving in Chicago and got a flat tire in Cabrini Green around midnight. Several black men approached her while she sat there in her brand new 78′ Lincoln Grand Marquee(burgundy on burgundy)helpless and stranded. The men surrounded her and before she could say a word… they asked her if she was okay and proceeded to change her tire and point her back to the expressway. The end.

    I think a black guy was rude to my great grandmother over a payphone once. The family still has nightmares.

  • kushiro -

    Two years ago, a white guy stole my bicycle from my parents backyard (I saw him on a surveillance camera). So now I don’t know who I’m supposed to be afraid of.

  • muselet

    Great Ghu, Righties can’t be bothered to be original even when they’re being racist.

    At least put some effort into it, you useless meat sacks! Earn your Wingnut Welfare!


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  • Jason E

    I can only imagine a world where rich executive Wall Street types (regardless of color) were profiled and investigated for crimes against humanity. Tax avoidance is a far greater crime than bike theft afterall. As a kid (white) I grew up in a neiborhood that wasn’t majority white. And yes I did have my bike stolen and I got pushed around a bit. But it didn’t turn me into a racist. Primarily because we were ALL poor people! What it taught me was how to get in where I fit in. The ability to accept and furthermore enjoy the company of all people is a great thing.

    • BillAndersoot

      We should be investigating white-on-everyone crime. :)

  • BillAndersoot

    I don’t see a link to the article in question. Am I just missing it?

    Edit: Found it.