Gun Fetishists Guns

Running With Scissors

This headline could almost be taken literally.

Gun rights fetishists in Utah are organizing a 5K race and “armed dash” where runners will carry their guns while running.

In the town of Spanish Fork, Utah, gun rights activists are organizing a “Run 4 Guns” 5K race. To be held on September 21, the race invites participants to carry their firearms openly. [...]

Organizers are touting the event as the country’s first “open carry run,” and are encouraging other communities to organize similar events. [...]

In addition to a 3.1 mile race, there will also be a half-mile “armed dash.” According to the event’s website, its goal is “the preservation of the 2nd Amendment” and to call for “the protection and expansion of the right to responsible gun ownership.” Organizer Macgregor Whiting told the Salt Lake City Weekly that they hope to donate proceeds from the event to a charity that supports gun victims in Utah, but are still searching for one that is not an “anti-gun” organization.

We’d like to donate the proceeds to an organization that supports victims of gun violence, but only if they agree that we should continue to hand out more guns or, you know, run a marathon while armed.

That makes perfect sense.

Picard and Riker Facepalm

There’s a Darwin award joke in here somewhere.

  • Kelly McGee

    wow is the only response that I can muster here

  • linusbern

    Do you think they would show up for Trampolining-4-Hand-Grenades?

  • Broadway Carl

    Anyone taking bets on how many 2nd Amendment Rights participants will be accidentally shot during this run?

  • Bubble Genius

    WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MAP?????!!!1!!!

    • i_am_allwrite

      Not sure, but I think “One Big Race” being protected on all sides by various types of guns is a tell.

      • Bubble Genius

        One Big Race = Aryan. ;)

    • Bob Rutledge

      Notice that nowhere on the page does it say “5k” — on acause of metric is Unmurkin Islamunofascimmunistisism!

  • Bubble Genius

    Please tell me that CSPAN (or ESPN) is airing this spectacle.

    • Victor_the_Crab

      At the very least, Fox News would send someone there to cover it, because LIBERTY an’ FREEDOM!

  • muselet

    The mind, he boggles.


  • Teddy’s Person

    Man, gun rights fetishists have no interest in being responsible gun owners.

  • blackdaug

    I guess this is less trouble than organizing an actual circular firing squad?

    • Bob Rutledge

      Very true, especially as most of these goob-heads would have a hard time forming an actual circle.

      I am, for some reason, reminded of this classic of Python-ity (yes, I know that’s redundant):

  • Ipecac

    Is it wrong for me to hope that someone trips, there’s a huge pileup and a bunch of these dumbasses shoot the other dumbasses? I don’t want mass slaughter, but perhaps someone might learn something if a few enthusiastic gun-carry nuts get accidentally shot for freedom.

    • Nefercat

      Well, perhaps not hope. Let’s say… contemplate the possibility?