Benghazi Ethics Food Hillary Clinton Rand Paul Super Stupid

Rand Paul Double Derp Feature


According to Kentucky senator and serial plagiarist Rand Paul, the FDA is coming to take away your doughnuts. And while that is undoubtedly a fate worse than death by doughnuts, it’s even more egregious when you consider that there may be people who work at the FDA who are overweight.

Apparently the Affordable Care Act (Obamacare) isn’t about healthcare at all. It’s about taking away your Freedom(!) and Liberty(!) to drink Big Gulps and eat doughnuts high in trans-fat.

PAUL: It’s about freedom of choice. It’s about freedom. It’s about whether you should have the liberty to buy something. What comes after healthcare? Somebody might someday say we’re gonna ban the Big Gulp, how would that be? Oh that’s right they already did that, sorry.

What’s next? We got healthcare, we got the Big Gulp, you name it. They’re coming after your doughnuts. Did you hear they’re coming after the trans-fat in your doughnuts.

Oh hell no, we have to save the trans-fat!

They may take our trans-fats, but they’ll never take our freedom!

PAUL: The FDA has banned, unilaterally some unelected bureaucrat has banned trans-fat, so I said we need to line every one of them up. I said I want to see how skinny or how fat the FDA agents are that are making the rules on this.

And not only that, any of them with a BMI over 16, or whatever the number if you’re suppose to have, I want to see them on the treadmill, and I want somebody from maybe OSHA lashing them while they’re on the treadmill. ‘Cause if we’re gonna have a nanny state, and everybody’s gotta eat the right thing and you can’t eat a doughnut, maybe outta just enforce it on the government workers first.

What’s next? Will someone in the state or federal government light a cigarette while imposing a new tax on cigarettes? Will dogs and cats begin living together?

Obviously no one is saying you can’t eat a goddamn doughnut. Banning trans-fats does not mean there will be no more doughnuts, it simply means you may be slightly less at risk of dying from eating said doughnuts. And no one will be the wiser. If no one told you there were no longer trans-fats included in Crispy Cream, you wouldn’t even notice.

While we’re on the subject, lining people up, measuring their weight, and lashing them on the treadmill doesn’t sound like Liberty(!) to me. But this has nothing to do with Freedom or Liberty, contrary to what Rand Paul says. This is about opposing federalism and democracy on the behalf of corporations. That’s what Libertarianism really is.


Meanwhile, Paul also took a moment during his stop in South Carolina to imply that Benghazi should disqualify Hillary Clinton from ever becoming president.

“To my mind, you should never have a commander in chief who is unwilling to send in troops for reinforcement — or in the six-month period of time, did not send adequate security when it was asked for repeatedly,” Paul said in a more direct allusion to Clinton. “To me, that should preclude you from ever holding high office.”

Not that it needs to be said here, but the idea that the administration made a decision not ‘send in troops’ is misleading at best. And the idea that Clinton is responsible for inadequate security is laughable.

Congressional Republicans, including Libertarian Boy Wonder Rand Paul, demanded the spending cuts that lead to a shortage in embassy security worldwide.

This talk of disqualification comes from a man who has committed plagiarism at least 8 (and counting) times in speeches, books, and columns.

  • mrbrink


    Rand Paul is just going to ignore the secret internet memos that prove he is a debunked mental degenerate and just pretend like nothing happened. Bold move. I could see Rand Paul with those half-wit hillbilly eyes calmly drowning another human being in a bathtub to Ride of the Valkyrie and then making a phone call to the police to taunt them with the whereabouts of the body. He’s just going to double down on the bitter sarcasm and hope no one notices the giant fluorescent green penis sticking out of his ear that wobbles every time he cranks open that whiny gape. I’m sorry, you were saying something about the precluding and the nanny and the bureaucrats in Washington? Hahahahaha! Dickhead. Rolling/

  • muselet

    Egads, what an ignoramus.

    On the bright side, Rand Paul will never be president.

    On the other hand, he will probably remain in the Senate until he’s carried out.


  • Nefercat

    Oh, just shut up, Rand. Reading his jingle-brained yappings reminds me of the days when I was trapped for days on end in the house, with tiny, jabbering, demanding humans who had the reasoning ability and attention span of houseflies.

  • Badgerite

    Oh, help me Jesus. As anyone knows, trans fats are banned not because they contribute to weight gain, because they don’t. Trans fats are banned because it has been found that if you eat enough trans fat you may as well just put the stuff right into your heart arteries and wait about the five minutes it would take for it to congeal into a blockage. Doofus.
    Trans fats are dangerous to your health. I can see how the Doctor might have been confused by the ‘fat’ part but that has nothing to do with why it was banned.
    So if you like having blood arrive at your brain with the necessary oxygen to keep it functioning, then you might want to not eat foods that have had trans fats added to them. I sense that for the Doctor, that ship has sailed. Derp! Derp! Derp!
    I can see, now, why he NEEDS to plagiarize.
    Oh, and the Big Gulp. Well, just buy two mediums and there you are. Problem solved and freedom secured.

    • Christopher Foxx

      Oh, and the Big Gulp. Well, just buy two mediums and there you are. Problem solved and freedom secured

      Or just buy a Big Gulp, since the ban was struck down by the courts.

  • Ipecac

    And this idiot is a DOCTOR!

    (The correct BMI is 18.5 to 25. 16 is between underweight and severely underweight.)

    Also, wasn’t it a REPUBLICAN who tried (and failed) to ban Big Gulps?

    • IrishGrrrl

      It was Mayor Bloomberg in NYC and he’s an Independent. For Randy here, anything to left of Attila the Hun must be a Dem.

      • Sabyen91

        Well, he ran as an independent but he ran on the Republican’s ballot line. He paid a nice tidy bribe to be able to do that.

        • IrishGrrrl

          I stand corrected! :)

      • D_C_Wilson

        Well, he did originally run for mayor as a republican before becoming an independent.