Epic Fail Food Fracking

Sorry About the Explosion, Your Next Slice is On Us

To make it up to you, we’re offering a free pizza.

Last Tuesday, the residents of the small rural community of Bobtown in the far southwestern corner of Pennsylvania woke up to a horrible shock — the sound of a massive explosion in their backyards. The source of the blast and the intensely hot fire that followed was a Chevron fracking well that had been set to begin production, but instead shot orange flames high into the air and gave off loud hissing sounds that could be heard hundreds of yards away.

Chevron has repaid residents terrorized by the explosion with a gift certificate for pizza, and they call this “community outreach.” It pains me to laugh right now but I can’t stop.

via Philly.com


That’ll fix everything.

  • mrbrink

    Bobtown sounded like a great place.

    But that’s any special combo ‘between the ashtray and the thimble.’

    You get the “free” upgrade to super special combo when they inevitably set the drinking water on fire.

    Honestly, this is so fucked beyond insanity. They’re not even hiding it anymore.

    Dear community scum, here at Chevron we’re gonna go ahead and kill you slowly, and this letter is just letting you know that your existence has caused Chevron great inconvenience, the costs of which will have to be passed on to you and your ugly family and Obamacare, and since we’re already here, consider this your final warning/eviction notice, or die twice. On us! Have a nice day!

    If Chevron was a mosque, or a black man, they would have drafted stand your ground laws and a new patriot act overnight.

  • Alan Fors

    What if I don’t want a “special combo”? You won’t give me pepperoni? Plain cheese? Who the hell thinks of these things?

    • http://drangedinaz.wordpress.com/ IrishGrrrl

      Oh, and don’t forget the expiration date. Because the damage from the explosion and fracking will be gone by then too……….right?