Education LGBT Wingnuts

Conspiracy Theory

Florida State Representative Charles Van Zant (R) regrets to inform you, but Common Core education is totally going to make your children super gay.

Speaking at the “Operation Education Conference” in Orlando, Van Zant warned that officials implementing Common Core in Florida are “promoting as hard as they can any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda.”

Their aim, Van Zant warned, was to “attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can.” He then apologized to the crowd for having to be the bearer of bad news. “I really hate to bring you that news,” the Florida Republican said, “but you need to know.”


Their goal is for children to “become as homosexual as they possibly can.”

Are we to infer that there are varying degrees or levels of homosexuality? I was under the impression that you’re either homosexual or you aren’t but, according to Van Zant, some people are more homosexual than others and the goal of state officials who are implementing Common Core is to make your children as homosexual as possible.

No word on what their new army of educated homosexuals will be used for.

  • Groundloop

    “No word on what their new army of educated homosexuals will be used for.”

    My guess is, solving the world’s most pressing issues while maintaining impeccable style.

  • eljefejeff

    I still can’t understand how anyone can turn gay…this thinking that it’s a choice. I never had to choose to be straight. Women are sexy. Men are disgusting. I never though twice about it. But it seems republicans really had to grapple with this decision and after a lot of praying, chose to be straight.

  • reggid

    I’m not sure how to respond — are we talking turning kids just Karl Rove gay or full Lindsey Graham gay?

    • Groundloop

      I’m not sure those are actual levels of gayness. Based on what I’ve seen on the internets, the three levels of gay are as follows:


      Super Gay

      Fake and Gay

  • RamOrgan

    Mr. Van Zant should go back to playing footsie in the JAX mens room.

  • muselet

    Shorter Charles Van Zant: Be afraid! Be very afraid!

    If Van Zant really believes this nonsense, he’s an idiot. If he doesn’t, he’s an opportunistic conman. Either way, the voters in his district should be hanging their heads in shame for electing him.


    • Bob Rutledge

      He’s a Republican so, QED, an opportunistic conman.

      • muselet

        Probably so, but possibility (a) above is not out of the question.


  • vgranucci

    My reaction was similar to Captain Picard’s

  • GrafZeppelin127

    OMFG. To quote Aasif Mandvi, “You know we can hear you, right?”

  • BanditBasheert

    Is being a “little bit gay” sort of like being “a little bit pregnant”?