Conspiracy Theory Immigration Wingnuts

Conspiracy Theory 3: The Obamaphone Invasion


William Gheen, the president of the Americans for Legal Immigration PAC and man who believes China will deploy immigrant children in a secret invasion, has a new theory: President Obama is using Obamaphones to recruit immigrant child soldiers.

via RightWingWatch

“They’re doing that by bringing in people who have no shared national or cultural experience with us, that are willing to literally say or do anything that their new masters call on them to do to protect their positions,” Gheen said. “Once Obama brings these ‘kids’ in, gives them their Obamaphone, enrolls them in Obamacare, puts them in a public school, pays for their housing, pays for their foods…These people will do anything that their leaders call them to do, and I mean literally anything.”

They tell us they’re just kids. They tell us they’re defenseless. But as William Gheen once said, they may “smile at you as they serve you your cheeseburger or peruse across your lawn with a weed eater” but they’re actually waiting for “you and your whole family to die.”

“The problem about trying to take up full gun confiscation and cracking down in a totalitarian fashion against American citizens is, who amongst the country hates their fellow countrymen and women so much that you can turn them to do that? They only have a small section of people that are willing to do that, and it’s probably going to be the people who remain loyal to Obama to the very end,” he continued.

Oh. It makes perfect sense now. The president has purchased the loyalty of immigrants with Obamaphones so he can use them to execute Americans.

Americans don’t actually seem to have a problem shooting each other with great frequency, but I digress.

“These people that come in, if they come to them and say, ‘You must do this for your glorious leader or you’re going back to the jungle and you gotta give the phone back and the food back and the free lodging back,’ they’ll probably, most of them will make the decision to do about anything.”

“Back to the Jungle” he said with racism dripping from his maw like a drooling hound.

Several weeks ago Gheen theorized that China would use the immigrant child soldiers in some kind of secret Skrull invasion and that President Obama has enabled them because he wants to punish “evil Whitey.”

Amusingly, Gheen himself entered our comment section and denied the report, saying that it lacked context.


Gheen has since repeated this wild conspiracy theory more than once with several variations. It’s not a shock, however, that he saved the wildest and mostly racially-tinged tale for Captain Conspiracy himself Alex Jones.

Sitting congressmen and several of those who are currently running for office have sought Gheen’s endorsement in the past and he is not alone in the tinfoil hat club.

The likes of Steve King (R-IA), Louie Gohmert (R-TX), and Steve Stockman (R-TX) have also theorized that President Obama is using immigrant children as a Trojan horse to bring about the end of America as we know it.

I predicted the next theory would involve Nazis on the Moon. I didn’t see Obamaphones factoring into the president’s grand design of deception.

Not that it needs to be said, but “Obamaphones” aren’t a real thing that exists. “Obamaphone” is a reference to a program for the poor that provide phone service to recipients of other social programs. Cellphones have been offered by the program since before Obama even became president.

Did President Obama use his time machine to initiate the cellphone program before he was sworn into office?

  • Hemidemisemiquaver

    Free phone? Free health care? Free housing and food?

    Sign me up!

    Don’t need the free schooling, already got that. Can I have free sex to help make new Obama-clones?

  • Treading_Water

    Leave Billy Gheen alone!! When you’re a third stringer it’s hard to make an impact on the wingnut teabag talk show circuit without resorting to the most indefensible, racist garbage possible. After all, he has to out bigot big dollar talkers like Rush and Malkin and Palin.

    • Hemidemisemiquaver

      “When you’re a third stringer” Now, that is funny. He’s more or less at Double A level, hoping to get promoted to Triple A ball. Sometimes, one goes right from Double A to the bigs, but not too often. Gheen must get pissed off, watching someone like Palin getting the big bucks and thinking to himself “I can do so much better.”

      Must suck to be him.

      He deserves it.

  • Badgerite

    Again. They are children fleeing life threatening conditions at home. Some portion of them will probably qualify for asylum on that basis.

  • D_C_Wilson

    , ‘You must do this for your glorious leader or you’re going back to the jungle and you gotta give the phone back and the food back and the free lodging back,’

    How exactly are they going to make you give the food back? Are they going to collect your crap? Because I pay a local authority every quarter to do that.

  • muselet

    I was going to make a joke about William Gheen and Dan Bidondi being the same person, but Gheen irritates me to the point my sense of humor stops working. (Oi! You, in the back! Yes, I have a sense of humor and tell hilarious jokes, thank you very much!)

    Instead, I’ll beg Gheen’s caregiver to give this man the meds he’s been prescribed. It’s cruel to allow someone with such florid symptoms to go untreated.


  • GrafZeppelin127

    I wish the universe of lies and nonsense that these people live in didn’t depress me so much.

    • ninjaf

      I wish it didn’t exist. It would be so much better if we all existed in reality. It would make getting things done a whole helluva lot easier.