Conspiracy Theory Immigration Wingnuts

Conspiracy Theory

Today’s wildest of wild theories is brought to us by Michele Bachmann, again, who tells us President Obama is bringing Central American children into the country so he can perform medical experiments on them.

“That’s more kids that you can see how — we can’t imagine doing this, but if you have a hospital and they are going to get millions of dollars in government grants if they can conduct medical research on somebody, and a ward of the state can’t say ‘no,’” she said. “A little kid can’t say ‘no’ if they’re a ward of the state. So here you could have this institution getting millions of dollars from our government to do medical experimentation and a kid can’t even say ‘no.’ It’s sick.”

That is sick. The good news is it’s not true.

Bachmann is apparently intent on unloading every theory left in her system before leaving office; inflicting maximum embarrassment on the nation and her home state of Minnesota before she’s done.

The “border crisis” isn’t very old but the children already have as many conspiracy theories associated with them as JFK and Grey aliens.

  • Draxiar

    Oh Michele…don’t you realize that the Medical Experiments Association for Liberty (aka MEAL) stopped performing experiments on people based on the results they got from you and your husband? It’s true…I got the documents right here to prove it…

  • Churchlady320

    Huh. She’s the one who wanted children born out of wedlock to be housed in institutions. Her hubby indulges himself in utterly bogus ‘therapy’ to ‘pray away the gay’. So is she projecting here? She really wants these poor kids for MARCUS and is mad President Obama is protecting them and keeping them away from these fanatics?

  • D_C_Wilson

    I’m actually going to miss Bachmann’s special brand of insanity once she leaves office.

    Oh, who am I kidding. She’s going to a Fox “News” contributor by February.

  • Badgerite

    In keeping with the spirit of Michelle Bachmann’s ‘thinking’, maybe these children should be housed in Area 51.

  • muselet

    I tried.

    Seriously, I tried. Three times I started a semi-serious comment about people like Michele Bachmann, people who prefer to believe the darkest fantasies they can conjure, who prefer to believe other people are personally capable of atrocities that would gag Goya. Three times I deleted what I’d written.

    Michele Bachmann isn’t worth the effort. Her opinions are not worth serious consideration. Her particular brand of proud and emphatic ignorance—which comes across as a vain (double meaning very much intended) attempt to out-stupid Sarah Palin—isn’t even really worthy of mockery.

    Call me lazy if you must, but I will instead leave this, and move on to more important things:

    Michele Bachmann is a loony.


    • JMAshby

      No serious comments required. This is not a serious post. This is for amusement.

      • muselet

        Understood. I just like to do more than merely point and laugh.


    • Mike_Norris

      I know what you mean…

  • Christopher Foxx

    I don’t know if someone is actually telling Bachmann these things, or if it’s just the voices in her head. But if it’s the former, how do I get that job?

    Seriously, if anyone has the chance to see her at a town hall meeting or anything else, feed her the most ridiculous thing you can think of and undoubtedly she’ll be claiming it’s true within a day.

    If I ever get the chance I’m going to tell her about how Obama is planning to sell white children to Africa (Africa being a country, of course) to start up a new slave trade but in the other direction. And he’s bringing in the refugee kids to swap for the white kids so nobody notices them missing until his plan is too far along to stop.

    • D_C_Wilson

      Remember, she went on TV right after one of the debates to announce that she had just learned that the HPV vaccine causes “mental retardation” from some woman she just bumped into in the hall minutes earlier.

      So yeah, someone is feeding this stuff to her. Probably several people, most of whom are regular readers of Infowars.

      I would so like to punk her like this:

      I love Real Genius.

      • hanadora444

        My favorite Bachmannism is the time she expressed her fear that this country is going to end up like South Africa. According to Ms Bachmann the South African government waits for you to leave on vacation, sneaks into your house, and exchanges your incandescent light bulbs for more energy efficient ones.

        • Christopher Foxx

          sneaks into your house, and exchanges your incandescent light bulbs for more energy efficient ones

          That was just the dry run for sneaking into your house and exchanging your children for refugee kids. Having proven the idea works with lightbulbs, the kids are next.

  • aynwrong

    The sentiment that Chez Pazienza has expressed several times recently is about the only reaction I can muster up anymore for this kind of idiocy. “How can anyone possibly take the GOP seriously?”
    I’d laugh if it weren’t so pathetic.

    • Christopher Foxx

      “How can anyone possibly take the GOP seriously?”

      Followed by “And how can the Democrats continue to fail to capitalize on this?”

      I’d love to see a daily “Today in Republican Stupid” on the DCCC web site.

      • aynwrong

        Could not agree more. One of the most exhausting parts about being a Democrat these days is watching the party having to try to respond to hysterical nonsense with mature reason.

    • D_C_Wilson

      I wish we didn’t have to take them seriously, but as long as the crazies are still dominating the party and getting elected, they will have a say in how the nation is government. If you can call what’s going on in the House these days “governing.”