I can't confirm that the GOP's alternative healthcare plan was "flown in on a unicorn sliding down a rainbow," but I can confirm that the plan is garbage.
Among other things, the Republican party's alternative to Obamacare would repeal guaranteed maternity care and transform Medicaid into a block grant system while rolling back Medicaid expansion.
States would have more authority to specify the “essential health benefits” that must be provided by insurance. As an example, the federal government would no longer require insurance policies to include coverage for maternity care.
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Under the Republican proposal, the government would provide a “capped allotment” to states to finance coverage for certain Medicaid beneficiaries. Money would be allocated according to the number of poor people in each state.
Why is the "pro-life" party against maternity care?
Their plan would also bring back pre-existing conditions and provide states with far more power to make their healthcare worse.
The Republican proposal says that “no one can be denied coverage based on a pre-existing condition,” but this guarantee would apply mainly to people who had been continuously covered by insurance. For people who are uninsured, the Republican plan envisions “a one-time open enrollment period in which individuals would be able to purchase coverage regardless of their health status or pre-existing conditions.”
Republicans would still allow young adults to stay on their parents’ health care plan until age 26, but states could “choose to opt out of this provision.”
Their alternative plan would also allow states to charge older people more for insurance than they currently pay.
It's not as if we need a reminder, but Republicans have shown, once again, that expanding coverage is not their priority. They may sometimes play concern-troll over the number of people Obamacare has expanded coverage to, but if they were allowed to implement their plan the number of insured would drop precipitously. The only winners in this plan are States' Rights fetishists.