North Korea

CIA Report: North Korea Wants to Appease Trump With Hamburgers

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

Like the Pentagon, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has also concluded that North Korea and their leader Kim Jong Un have no intention of giving up their nuclear weapons.

But if Kim won't give up his weapons, how does he intend to placate Trump?

The CIA believes he'll offer to open an American hamburger chain in the North Korean capital of Pyongyang.

In an odd twist, a list of potential concessions by North Korea in the CIA analysis included the possibility that Kim Jong Un may consider offering to open a Western hamburger franchise in Pyongyang as a show of goodwill, according to three national security officials.

It suggests Kim is interested in a peaceful gesture to an American president whose love of fast-food burgers is well known — and who, during the 2016 campaign, had said he wanted to talk nukes over a burger with the North Korean leader.

There's a lot to process here.

There's the clear image of how North Koreans see Americans, which isn't necessarily wrong. There's the impression of Trump as a fast-food obsessed moron, which also isn't wrong. And there's the distinct possibility that Trump would go for this kind of stunt because he is fast-food obsessed moron.

One obstacle standing in the way of burger diplomacy is a possible shortage of chains willing to take the hit to open a franchise in North Korea.

Trump may not give a shit about the ongoing human disaster of North Korea's concentration camps, but I doubt Burger King or McDonald's is willing to go there.

  • 1933john

    A kimchi-burger should do the trick!

    Also, our troops would be FIGMO or
    FUJIMO and shout KAMAG-YO-YO
    while on there way home to GTFO
    and all of us could shit-can our
    Sigmund’s Rolling-Ball of Shit Ribbons.

  • ninjaf

    Trump may not give a shit about the ongoing human disaster of North Korea’s concentration camps, but I doubt Burger King or McDonald’s is willing to go there.

    Don’t forget that the CEO of Hardee’s was almost our Labor Secretary. I am sure they would be willing to put one of their stores in North Korea just because of their lax labor policies alone.

  • Aynwrong

    Trump will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger joint in the city of a dictatorial regime today.

  • Draxiar

    “Now Donnie, if you’re a good boy at the meeting we’ll get you some hamburgers as a reward! Would you like that?”

  • muselet

    One can only speculate what other offers Kim Jong-un will make.

    • The purchase of North Korean military uniforms from The Trump Collection.

    • A Trump-branded hotel-casino in Pyongyang.

    • North Korean imports of Trump Steaks and Trump Vodka.

    • Trump University to reopen in Hamhung.

    • Trump International Golf Club in Chongjin.

    Any one of which would be enough to make Donald Trump forget about denuclearization of the Korean Peninsula.

    “Deals are my art form. Other people paint beautifully or write poetry. I like making deals, preferably big deals. That’s how I get my kicks.”

    We are doomed.

    –alopecia