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Fear and Self-Loathing At Americans For Prosperity Summit


The American Dream’s worst nightmare.

The Defending The American Dream summit wrapped this weekend in a land far, far away from world affairs at the Loews Royal Pacific Resort in Orlando, Florida. The Koch-run Americans for Prosperity Foundation hosted a who’s-who buffet of early bird Republican party imbeciles who were there to pick up some gassy tailwinds and electrolytes for their inevitable 2016 stab at the presidency.

Governors Rick Perry, Bobby Jindal, and Rick Scott, along with media ignoramuses, like Michelle Malkin and Greg Gutfeld spoke about their collective mental illnesses to a sympathetic gathering of recovering decency addicts. And, in case you’re thinking that this event was too exclusive for other right wing foundations, rest assured. Arthur C. Brooks, President of The American Enterprise Institute was there to broaden the appeal to both kinds of Americans: Country and Western!

The results are in! according to just about 1,000 mouth-breathers in attendance: Sen. Ted Cruz is an American hero, and Sen. Marco Rubio is now a suspicious alien from Planet Amnesty here to procreate with our womenfolk. No abortions for those alien babies, y’all!

Reports of fellow right wing nuts in the audience heckling Sen. Rubio at the summit indicate that he’s been relegated to back of the bus status. Chants of, “No amnesty!” were heard as Rubio spoke, sending his politically parched lips back to the lily-white asses of his Tea Party sugar daddies for suckling reassurance.

Trying to recover, Sen. Rubio went to the reliable well of idiot-outrage, assailing Obamacare and inciting a huge round of applause for the line, “big government is doing what it’s always done — it is failing.”

(Just to note: As Thom Hartmann says, “When Republicans say that government is failing, they’re bragging.”)

But the damage has been done. Some in attendance talked about Marco Rubio before he even took his first sip of water:

“I’d like to see Marco Rubio, just so I can tell him what I think of his positions — he’s on the wrong track of being a conservative,” Rick Barr, a 60-year-old activist from Indianapolis, said before the speech.

“We’re all a little irritated with Marco,” said Judy Peterson, a retired special-education teacher from Treasure Island, Fla. “Now, that doesn’t mean we’ve thrown him under the bus. But we would like him to — just, come on. He hasn’t explained it very well.”


Meanwhile, the summit’s gloriously triumphant keynote speaker and real American, Sen. Ted Cruz, brought them all back to Ted Town for a rhetorical cross burning & crumpets of right wing conservative charm and wit, telling the crowd that they “would all be audited by the IRS tomorrow,” which brought them to their goose-stepping feet. Not to be outdone by himself, Sen. Cruz then played all of his one greatest hit:

“Right now, the people who are fighting the hardest against our effort to defund Obamacare are sadly Republican,” he said. “Over and over again, they say, ‘We can’t win this fight.’ Well, you know — you lose 100 percent of the fights that you surrender at the outset.”

Nailed it! Let me see those lighters in the air, y’all! Lost causes are not for losers! Ted Cruz will never give up the fight to deny millions of people access to affordable, regulated healthcare!

Jan Cummins, an activist from Orlando, was enthralled, saying, “Oh my God, everything he said was spot on. I’ve been hearing so much buzz about him, but I had never seen him in a full speech from start to finish. And I was terribly impressed. I would vote for him.”

And a Morning Star was born.

  • sweetnonnie

    Wow, the reaction to Ted Cruz is so similar as it was to Palin oh so long ago. All kind of charisma, not a brain in the head.

  • “rhetorical cross burning & crumpets of right wing conservative charm and wit”

    Sounds like a Tea Party for narcissistic, maladroit, sociopaths….oh, wait, that’s exactly what it is.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Thank God for the humorous snark of Mr. Brink that allows us to look at these awful people in such hilarious terms.

    • mrbrink

      Bless your Crabby heart.

      • Victor_the_Crab

        Sundays are a must read with you at the wheel. 🙂

  • I’m convinced that they’re mostly sociopaths and the children of sociopaths who would rather walk on the right hand of the devil than be in his path. They’re also impotent people who think they should rule the world, yet they are compelled to attach dead weights to the people they think are beneath them in order to support their pathological narcissism and delusions of superiority.

    Any intelligence they may have is subsumed by simple-minded and single-minded third-rate ideology. They’re loud-mouthed morons who are pathologically controlling and are lacking basic human decency.

  • Nefercat

    I wish I had drunk a bottle or two of Digel before reading this.

  • muselet

    Reading the reaction from Jan Cummins, it sounds like she was one pit-a-pat of her heart away from throwing her underwear onto the stage with Ted Cruz, the way the ladies used to do with Tom Jones.

    Incidentally—and to distract everyone from the appalling mental image I just summoned (sorry!)—”Defending the American Dream” from whom? The American people?


  • Brutlyhonest

    ” a retired special-education teacher from Treasure Island, Fla.”

    I’m sure she doesn’t grasp the irony that she was not only a public servant whose salary was paid with taxes, but also a specific kind that wouldn’t exist in public schools without the interference of damned libruls.

    I’m not sure how much more of the awfulness of these people I can take. I was able to temper my anger via the love and affection of my dog. But sadly for me, I had to euthanize her Friday after a 9-month battle with a spinal tumor. The greedy, selfish asshats in my area better pray to their god that they don’t push me with their bullshit anytime soon – I’m not sure I can moderate my physical response right now.

    • muselet


      If we let them, dogs make us better people (cats, too, but in a different way). You’ll temper your anger because it’s the right way to honor your dog’s memory.

      I’m sorry for your loss.


    • Perhaps you can find some solace and vindication in this article

      Your dog was better people than they are.

    • mrbrink

      I’m sorry to hear about that, Brutly’. There are lots of animals out there that still need good homes and companions. I’ve got five loving cats and two rambunctious dogs, so I empathize greatly.

    • You have my sympathies. I know how that feels and I am sorry you are having to experience it too.

    • So sorry to hear that. You have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your loving friend.

    • Brutlyhonest

      Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts. I was completely unprepared for (a) how much I’d miss her and (2) how much sharing just a little would help.