Lizard People

House Reps. Pumped Themselves Up to Kill People With “Rocky”

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

If you're familiar with the story of fictional boxer Rocky Balboa, this may seem a little awkward.

House Republicans held a pep really this morning where they pumped themselves up for a vote to kill and bankrupt millions of people by listening to Rocky's theme.

Leaders played the “Rocky” theme song as lawmakers walked into the meeting. Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) put an image of George S. Patton on the screen and read inspirational quotes from the general.

“Let’s get this f--king thing done!” Rep. Martha McSally (R-Ariz.) told her colleagues, according to sources in the room.

Rocky Balboa goes bankrupt and his wife Adrian dies of ovarian cancer, the likes of which is screened at Planned Parenthood. Rocky himself is eventually diagnosed with cancer and his treatment is covered by Medicare, a single-payer system.

  • muselet

    I don’t use the word often, but I’ll make an exception and use it twice in one day: they’re monsters.


  • Georgie

    They listened to that because they were young and felt powerful when it came out and wanted to recreate this feeling. But now they are old and weak minded. I say this as someone who saw this movie in a theater, but decided to grow as a human being,emotionally and mentally.

  • Badgerite
  • Badgerite

    Rocky was a doufus.

  • Badgerite

    Never trust the crazies in the GOP to give a crap about their own voters. It’s ironic really. Liberals, many of whom have no actual stake in the ACA , are more concerned for these people than the GOP ‘turds’ whom they vote for. The Blue states are far more likely to be supporting the welfare of these people in the Red states than the other way around. We call that enlightened self interest. Or as the Bible puts it, you are your brother’s keeper.

  • Username1016

    I was on the phone to my senators telling them to block this puppy the MINUTE I heard it had passed the House. Much good may it do me — Casey’s on the side of the angels, but Toomey’s one o’ them dripping tar monsters Aynwrong was on about.

    • I’m sure my Senators (Flake and McCain) will make all kinds of statements about how morally bankrupt the bill is and then turn around and vote for it. I didn’t know I could hate the GOP any more than I did the day Drumpf won. However, today has proved me wrong.

    • Scopedog

      Thankfully my two Senators (Booker and Menendez) are against any plan to get rid of the ACA. Still, I will call.

    • ninjaf

      Tillis and Burr here. Yeah, like I have any hope they are going to listen on this.

  • Aynwrong

    In the Star Trek TNG episode Skin of Evil the crew came upon a creature named Armus. It exists because an intelligent species had found a way of dispelling all their negative qualities and leave them behind as an actual physical substance. The result was the creation of a literal monster that was the physical manifestation of all the negative emotions that the species found a way to dispel. A monster made of dripping tar.

    I don’t think I need to explain why this occurred to me today.

    House Republicans are at the White House celebrating at this very moment. These people are depraved.

  • Draxiar

    Yet both parties are the same, right?

    Fuck these people. Taking pleasure in punking millions of people out of their healthcare is the definition of a sadist. How these cocksplats square this with their “Christian Values” is well beyond my comprehension level.

    • Toolymegapoopoo

      >Yet both parties are the same, right?

      Man, this is all I’m seeing all over Twitter and Reddit and it is infuriating. Yes, Dems have their issues but those are mostly managerial and messaging. The GOP literally wants to hurt people. It is ingrained in their ideological DNA. There is no comparing the flaws of both parties.

      • Scopedog

        And some assholes like H.A. Goodman are still complaining about how the DNC fucked over Bernie–today, of all fucking days. Jesus Christ–millions of lives will be affected and these punk asses are still wrapped up in their world of shit. Fuck them.

        • Badgerite

          Really. Oblivious or intentional. I don’t know which. But, yeah, millions will be affected. Born and not yet born.
          It is nothing short of amazing how little the GOP actually cares about people once they are out of the womb.

          • Christopher Foxx

            It is nothing short of amazing how little the GOP actually cares about people once they are out of the womb.

            They don’t care about them in the womb, either. Planned Parenthood provides prenatal services.

            To Republicans the unborn aren’t humans in need of protection. They’re props.

          • Badgerite


          • ninjaf

            They don’t even care about what comes out of the womb. They only want to punish women for expressing their sexual freedom.

          • Badgerite

            Who was that GOP Congressman who described pregnant women as ….”hosts”. God does that bring to mind the movie Alien or what.
            I may have to call the Alien hotline if I see a pregnant woman now.

  • Badgerite

    While no one seemed to be looking they also gutted Wall Street regulations.
    So there is that.

    • gescove

      Yeah, there is a lot happening while all eyes are on the center ring at the circus. EO for Pence’s religious freedom boner, shoutouts to Duterte and Erdogan and Kim Jong Un, DAPL, EPA, this list goes on and on and on. Is it too early to start drinking, or rather, is it too soon to stop?

    • JMAshby

      I see everything that happens at the White House or Congress. Mercifully, I don’t cover every single thing here (I don’t have time to and, on days like today, I don’t have the mental capacity), but gutting Dodd-Frank is on my radar.

      • Badgerite

        Wasn’t meant as a criticism of you. You do great work. Thanks.

      • Christopher Foxx

        I see everything that happens at the White House or Congress.

        You have my sympathy. Trump in his bathrobe must have been difficult.


    • Scopedog

      Yep. Expect a repeat of 2008 in the near future.

      • Badgerite

        You know, that’s what is really concerning me. I kind of do expect a repeat. We are talking a lost generation here. Having their future stolen from them.

      • ninjaf

        We are seriously discussing when we should sell our house so we don’t end up under water.