Lizard People

Is Mike Pence a Lizard?

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

Watching Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump self-immolate and score a series of own-goals on national TV is very fun to watch according to his running mate Indiana Governor Mike Pence, who may or may not be lizard in a human suit.

Watch Pence talk about how fun "this shit" is with all the feigned emotion of Patrick Bateman.

PENCE: "You know, it is kind of funny. Sometimes it's like almost every day they come up with something new and different.

They say 'now we got 'em,' right? Now 'he said this, we can parse that' -- are you with me? -- 'he tweeted this.' And they think they finally got him, but then they turn on the television the next morning and Donald Trump is still there standing stronger than ever before and fighting for the American people.

This shit really is fun to watch, I'll tell you what."

Of course, people see Trump on the television every morning because he's A) running for president and B) says something wildly offensive several times per day every day of the week.

The past week was one of the worst weeks anyone has ever had in the history of presidential campaign politics.

Trump's team spent an entire week attacking former Miss Universe Alicia Machado. The New York Times revealed his billion dollar loss and income tax avoidance. Newsweek revealed his violation of the Cuban trade embargo. The Washington Post reported Trump's foundation wasn't registered to raise money. The Los Angeles Times reported that Trump told golf club managers to fire unattractive women. And those are just the biggest headlines.

Mike Pence couldn't be more delighted.

  • Badgerite

    “Fighting for the American people”. Riiiiiiight. By buying a lot of stuff from China. And showing the love to Vladimir (hearts and flowers) Putin. And Russian Intelligence. I will bet there are some pretty interesting things in those returns as to sources of income over the last decade. They sure seem pretty interested in making the Orange Furor POTUS. Somehow I don’t think it is because he is “fighting for the American people”.

  • muselet

    Mike Pence thinks it’s fun to watch Donald Trump say or do or have revealed by the press one awful, offensive and (possibly) illegal thing after another and not pay a political price for it. He even thinks Trump being the south end of a northbound horse means he’s “fighting for the American people.”

    That says a lot about Mike Pence, little of it good.


    • ninjaf

      It plays into their narrative that the Trump is the “little guy” being bullied by the “lamestream” media. ::eyeroll::

      • Badgerite

        Super ::eyeroll::

        • ninjaf

          We may want to be careful. Our eyes might just get stuck that far back in our head. ūüôā

  • gescove

    Does Pence understand that it’s the top of his own ticket, the Orange Hairball, that every day comes up with something new and different (that is, offensive, ignorant, and/or criminal)? That Trump is “still standing” is a testament to the craven hypocrisy of the GOP and the deluded gullibility of his supporters.

    • ninjaf

      I have seen multiples of Trump surrogates use the attack “If the media would stop asking these questions, we could talk about the real issues for real Americans.” And, finally, the interviewers have started responding with, “Your candidate is the one who brought it up,” which has stumped them a couple of times and caused them to stammer their original statement again. It will be interesting to see how they decide they want to answer that tack as they get that response more and more.

  • Victor the Crab

    And I’d imagine, after standing there and publically and verbally fluffing Drumph to millions of eyes, Mike Pence goes into a private room and swallows a handful of Xanax and washes it down with a swig of Jack Daniels in order to forget what he just did.

    • David Greenberg

      I don’t think he does. Like most gopers he doesn’t know right from wrong. He’s as evil as he is dumb.