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New Republican Outreach Strategy: ‘Hear Jimi’

It’s been an awful couple decades for Republicans and every person in the world who has been subjected to their terribleness, and the past couple weeks have not been especially kind for Republican party minority outreach efforts.

Just starting with Rep. Don Young’s(R-AK) comment about owning employing “40-50 wetbacks,” the GOP has been steadily disenfranchising every minority they set out to reach.

They loaded up the truck and they sent Reince Priebus to ‘Californy’ to seek out this new world called, America. His expectations were certainly reasonable, saying of his party’s journey,

I decided California [as the locale for the meeting] because it’s been a blue state that people think we’ve written off,” he added. “I knew that if we came to California, we could really get a serious discussion about how to reach out to Hispanics and Asians.

Yes. Everyone knows that if you’re trying to reach the Hispanics and the Asians, you obviously go to California. That’s where all the Asian and Hispanic voters live.

Being the party of The Southern Strategy doesn’t afford a lot of room for outreach, but dammit, they’re trying so hard!

Like sending Senator Rand Paul to Howard University to lecture black people on their history, explaining that he has no issues with The Civil Rights Act, other than his issues with government telling businesses that it’s illegal to discriminate. Well done! No more drug war! Yeah! But that new crystal meth lab/store/trailer won’t have to serve your kind because freedom! Only a fucking wingnut libertarian would attempt to appeal to a room full of educated black people with the property rights argument. Some people disagreed, even going so far as to dip the boy-Senator’s participation trophy in gold.

But after RNC Chairman Reince Priebus failed to corral enough right wing celebrities to make a quorum– temporarily foiling his plans to break into Hollywood and cast out the Communists– didn’t go so well– even losing one Kid Rock in the process, I thought it couldn’t get much worse. But Priebus was determined to set out to prove us non-believers wrong by attempting to woo the gays and women of America by announcing that his party’s 2013 platform reaffirms the right of the Bible to deny same sex partners their constitutional rights, and that the right of every American fetus in the country to sue the mother for custody rights shall not be infringed– shaking the very foundation of lowered expectations.

Which brings us to Senator Marco Rubio, who has been dispatched to the four corners of the liberal media this Sunday to deliver his message of outreach and rap music street cred’ to the masses, making appearances on seven shows to promote his anti-Amnesty views on immigration, even taking time out to condemn Jay Z and Beyonce’s recent trip to Cuba. Oh, why didn’t they stop to talk to Marco Rubio first? Don’t they know he’s the only Cuban who knows what’s up? Why didn’t they consult with the GOP’s point-man on all things Cuban? So much for Republican party street cred’. Stay thirsty, my friend.

It’s not going well for their listening/outreach tours, so, in the spirit of the common good, I’d suggest Reince Priebus set out on a new mission– a mission to hear Jimi– as in, Jimi Hendrix. I suggest they shut up and really listen for a couple decades, maybe Reince could take a trip to serenade his grave with an old guitar and come back looking something like this:

Hearing Jimi

Hearing Jimi

I’m sure he’d only come back believing that the song Purple Haze was really about winning elections in swing states, or that Voodoo Child was really an anti-abortion anthem. Or Hey Joe a song about responsible gun ownership. Or that The Wind Cries Mary is a song about small government and drilling for oil. But dammit, you’ve got to start again and again somewhere. 

  • Victor_the_Crab

    Or that All Along The Watchtower is a song about about immigration reform.

    • Lady Willpower

      “Complete the danged fence.”