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Doomsday

The firearms industry and the doomsday survival industry market themselves to the same audience so it’s only logical that the two would begin to merge.

The Iowa-based Brownells firearms company is now selling survival kits for the global pandemic.

The company has unveiled pandemic kits, which contain filter masks, black nitrile gloves, first-aid supplies, camp stoves and other equipment to boil and sterilize items. The kits range in price from $55 to $120. [...]

“Ebola has increased the worry that you’ll be touching things you shouldn’t be touching,” said Larry Weeks, a company spokesman.

Weeks said Brownells launched the line of Emergency & Survival Gear kits in the last year. The “bug-out bags,” trauma packs and other kits are designed to help you survive civil unrest, power blackouts, car accidents, hurricanes, wildfires, or whatever else an unruly world throws at you. The line includes a $469 “Get-Home-Bag” with sleeping bag, hatchet, knives, paracord, zip ties and other supplies, “perfectly suited to keep on hand in your office, dorm room or the trunk of your car.”

There’s nothing wrong with being prepared for a natural disaster, in fact the U.S. government and other organizations offer advice on items you should have for emergency preparedness, but let’s not beat around the bush.

“Pandemic kits” and other survival gear that will help you survive “civil unrest” are items marketed to conspiracy theorists, end-timers, doomsday-preppers and other anti-government types. The type who open fire on unsuspecting state police officers and then lead authorities on a wild goose chase into the forest.

Chances are the items contained in these kits will expire or decay before they’re ever used; before the UN troops arrive or the president usurps all power with the help of his immigrant vanguard.

Suckers.

  • Victor_the_Crab

    On the positive side, it should help you prepare for the zombie apocalypse.

  • Christopher Foxx

    I like this idea. I think we should have more of them. I think we should pile it on until these people are so afraid and paranoid that they never leave there homes, making it that much more unlikely that they will ever make it to a polling place.

  • Username1016

    In a previous life I used to do the typesetting for a little independent shop. I set the type for an elaborate doomsday manual put out by a bunch of survivalists. One of their handy tips was that you should convert all your assets to gold bullion and bury it on their land in Vermont. Riiiiiiiight. I’ve known what to think about survivalists ever since.

    • Kitty Smith

      Man… why do the repubs get all the best ideas to take money from paranoid old white fuckers? Because *seriously*, best idea ever.

  • i_a_c

    When I was visiting my parents once, my dad was watching Doomsday Preppers and I asked him to change the channel because it was making me depressed for the future of the human race.