Election 2012

Romney is Practicing ‘Zingers’ for the Debate

Yes. The most unfunny man on the planet is practicing pre-scripted 'zingers' to use on the President of the United States during the first presidential debate on Wednesday.

Believing that the debates will come down to a few key sound-bites, Romney has been memorizing and practicing "a series of zingers" that his team has written for him. Romney has practiced delivering these lines on aides since August.

Romney is hoping to make Obama look "smug" or "evasive" without coming off as an annoying scold. Specifically, Romney is hoping to goad Obama into making a comment like the ungracious "you're likable enough" dig he tossed at Hillary Clinton in the primary debates four years ago.

First, due to the fact that he's a stiff, awkward, ungainly robot, he's going to need a lot more time than just six weeks to master the art of "zingers." Second, this is how he intends to change his fortunes and attain the presidency? With zingers? If that doesn't work, what'll he do in the second debate? Juggling? They've prepped the most unfunny man in America with jokes -- and this is going to somehow help him. That, in and of itself, is effing hilarious.