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Rudy, Hillary, Mitt, Barack, Cubby, Annette

I'm going to get all crotchety here.

One of the reasons why I'm anxious for the primaries to be decided? All this disrespectful and amateurish first-name business.

These are U.S. Senators, Governors, Congressmen and Miscellaneous who are running to be the next President of the United States. They should each demand that their opponents refer to them by their title, i.e. Governor Richardson, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Senator McCain. The former office-holders like Ron Paul, Rudy Giuliani, Mitt Romney or John Edwards can either use their previously held title or the salutation "Mr.".

Why? Respect for the offices.

The only first name I'd like to hear more of is Mitt. That said, I try to use the titles whenever possible here and on the Huffington Post out of respect for the offices. I'm not always perfect, but I especially try to use the full title "President" Bush instead of "Mr. Bush" or "Bush" or "Smirky McChimpeach." The one I sometimes neglect is "Vice President." It's sometimes too long and awkward to fit into the rhythm of a phrase, so you'll see "Cheney" (or "Dick" when I'm really pissed) in my stuff a lot. I'm trying, though, dammit.

Anyway, these candidates need to cut the crap and stop talking to each other like they're having a pick-up frisbee golf tournament. I don't want a "Hillary" meddling with healthcare and global warming. I don't want a "Rudy" to touch anything outside of a lawnmower or perhaps the Six Million Dollar Man. And I certainly don't want "Dennis" or "Ron" to go fucking around with nuclear arsenals. Give me a senator, governor or even just a Mr. or Mrs.

End crotchety rant.