The Media

Spazzy White Guys in Lower Manhattan

Just wanted to explain this frame for those of you just joining us.

If you've spent any amount of time watching CNBC, you will have witnessed the madness.

Every time I dial it up, there's a white guy in a very serious shirt and tie screaming some sort of urgent breaking news as if the world were imploding upon itself -- a weird indicator or quarterly report read aloud in a tone of voice that swings between loud and loud and panicky. In general: spazzy. As Carell says in Anchorman: LOUD NOISES! That's CNBC. 24 hours a day.

For about three months between late 2007 and early 2008, I watched CNBC, but I had to stop. It would literally ruin my day. It was like waking up an immediately being assaulted by Republicans yelling into my ear about how rapidly I would either get rich or die broke. And when the spazzy white guys go away, they're replaced by Suze Orman with her wild staring eyes scolding me for not collecting spare change from my couch cushions.

For those of you who can endure CNBC, good for you. Enjoy your stress-shortened lives.