The New Format

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

(Cartoonist - Rob Rogers)

In other news, the FBI has arrested 2 white supremacists in Virginia who were planning to bomb black churches in the hopes of starting a race war.

Meanwhile, Marco Rubio made it clear that he isn't fit to be president today.

During a campaign stop in New Hampshire last week, the junior senator from Florida opened up about his childlike fandom for the films. According to ABC News, however, Rubio uttered a gaffe to end all gaffes during his nostalgic trip down memory lane.

I think I had the Death Star, but it kept breaking just like it did in part two. In Empire Strikes Back when it blew up because that guy got that rocket to go into that hole,” he said. “Remember that?

No. Please stop. You're embarrassing.

Finally, Fox & Friends host and infamous consumer of paint chips Brian Kilmeade experienced an epiphany today.

BRIAN KILMEADE: We've [inaudible] talked about this before. We have had a chance to meet the Victoria's Secret models, in all different types, all different venues.

STEVE DOOCY: Yeah, sure. They all come by.

KILMEADE: They are wonderful people with marvelous personalities. And when they show up, they don't just sit there and say, 'look at me, I'm pretty.' They talk back.

DOOCY: What's your point? What is your point? [...]

KILMEADE: I'm saying, a lot of times I wrestle with conversation with supermodels. But not -- something about Victoria's Secret models, they're very conversant.

  • Nefercat

    Translated Kilmeade: “Derpity-derp-derp-derp! Bacaw! {fluffs feathers, pecks Blondie’s head, bites button off Dooty’s shirt, poops on coffee table, tries to fly, fails, knocks over camera}

    A babbling toddler eating paste could carry on a more sensible conversation.