Election 2016

The War on Christmas Arrives Early

Why is Donald Trump running for president?

Among several other reasons, Trump is running for president because the White House Christmas tree was renamed to a “holiday tree” according to his son Eric.

“He opens up the paper each morning and sees our nation’s leaders giving a hundred billion dollars to Iran, or he opens the paper and some new school district has just eliminated the ability for its students to say the pledge of allegiance, or some fire department in some town is ordered by the mayor to no longer fly the American flag on the back of a fire truck,” Trump told James Robison in an interview posted this week.

Or he sees the tree on the White House lawn has been renamed ‘Holiday tree’ instead of ‘Christmas tree,’” continued Trump.

The good news for the Trumps is that the White House Christmas tree is still officially referred to as a “Christmas tree.” Our long national nightmare is over because it never actually began.

Not that it really matters, because it’s just a fucking tree.

Given that Christmas decorations and merchandise will begin to appear in public before the election is over, I’d say there’s a very high chance the War on Christmas will feature prominently in the final weeks of the Trump scampaign.

It wouldn’t be the first time. You may recall that Trump called for a boycott of Starbucks last fall because their coffee cups weren’t Christmas-y enough.

Where will the front lines of the War on Christmas be fought this year?

  • Kitty Smith

    I say we start the war on christmas BEFORE it fucking eats Independence Day.

  • Aynwrong

    Every year the War on Christmas™ seems to arrive in a slightly warmer week/month than the previous year. I suppose I could just attribute this to climate change but that would be ridiculous and as it happens all the people who think this “war” is real also think climate change is a hoax.

    Funny how that works.

    • JMAshby

      We have always been at war with Christmas

  • Badgerite

    So, do they plan to pass a law making the failure to say “Merry Christmas” a felony or what?
    Nonsense. As usual.

  • muselet

    Where will the front lines of the War on Christmas be fought this year?

    No idea, but I’ll go ‘way out on this here limb and say this year’s sacrificial company/organization/city/school district/bar/whatever has already been chosen and the B-roll is already prepped and ready.

    And Eric Trump is an imbecile.

    –alopecia

  • Georgie

    Walmart.

  • Dread_Pirate_Mathius

    Not that it really matters, because it’s just a fucking tree.

    I’d argue that this actually matters very much.

    I am constantly told that this is not a Christian country… but boy it sure doesn’t feel that way.

    As a non-Christian, my non-Christianity is rubbed in my face every year around as we have our annual pandering love-fest with Christmas.

    Don’t get me started on the f***ing Christmas music starting before Thanksgiving now.

  • GrafZeppelin127

    Christmas decorations and merchandise will begin to appear in public before the baseball season is over.

    • swift_4

      Once retailers jumped the Thanksgiving line and it showed profit, they’ll be pushing Christmas in September soon.

      Somehow the worst one for me is the “Back to School” sales in late May, a month before school even ends.

      • ninjaf

        I have already seen Christmas decorations in the store, along with Halloween decorations. Seriously, folks. Can we at least have summer first?