Trump Demands Sharks With Lasers

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

You may recall that Trump called for completely shutting down the southern border earlier this year only to be talked out of it by virtually everyone including some his biggest fans in right wing media, but that was far from the only or even the most ridiculous idea swirling around in the toilet bowl atop Trump's shoulders at the time.

According to previously unreported details included in a new book, Trump told his staff they should build a moat along the border and fill it with snakes and alligators.

Per the Times's excerpt of Julie Hirschfeld Davis and Michael D. Shear's forthcoming book Border Wars: Inside Trump’s Assault on Immigration, the president's shutdown idea was one of several he's had about how to keep immigrants off the U.S. Mexico border. Other suggestions the president has privately floated: Fortifying the border wall with electric spikes “that could pierce human flesh” and “a water-filled trench,” which would naturally be “stocked with snakes or alligators.” Trump has also suggested shooting migrants who throw rocks at immigration officials and “shoot[ing] migrants in the legs to slow them down,” only to be told that committing violence against migrants at-will is, in fact, illegal. (Though White House aides did reportedly “seek a cost estimate” for the alligator-filled moat.)

Can you even imagine being the sad sack tasked with the duty of seeking a cost estimate for a moat filled with alligators? Third Grade called and it wants its infantile scheme back.

Now that I think about it, if this cost estimate exists, it would likely be subject to a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request.

It's obviously even more alarming that Trump called for shooting immigrants.

  • muselet

    A moat filled with alligators. A spike-topped wall. Shooting migrants at will.

    Wanton cruelty and human-rights abuses presented as policy. All because one depraved man hates brown people.

    Yeah, Donald Trump is a very stable genius, indeed.

    And I’m guessing the cost estimate was done by some luckless shlub phoning an exotic pet store and multiplying the price of an alligator by a few thousand, then phoning an excavator to find out the cost of digging a deep trench a couple of thousand miles long. If anyone spent ten minutes on it, that was five minutes too long.


    • Tony Lavely

      “If anyone spent ten minutes on it, that was twenty-five minutes too long.”


  • Draxiar

    Somewhere there’s some grease drinking MAGA’s standing in a junkyard discussing the philosophical merit (there isn’t any) of this idea.

  • waspuppet

    He has of course denied this.

    Given his obvious problems with abusing substances and people I would absolutely be willing to believe that he says these things when he flies into a rage and later on legitimately has no memory of having said any of it.

    That’s not an excuse, of course, but I’d bet it’s what happens.

  • gescove

    The stupid is strong in this one.

  • Just thinking about this (yes, it hurts).

    Wouldn’t a moat require a buttload of water, which would be subject to rapid evaporation in the Texas/Mexican heat, and wouldn’t the alligators be very difficult to keep alive in such an environment? We’d constantly have to be shipping in replacement alligators.

    Surprised he didn’t think of T-Rex’s. Once created, they’d require a lot less maintenance.

    • Tony Lavely

      Consider the source…