Comedy Wingnuts

Trump Will Make Christmas Merry Again

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

You may have heard that victims of the liberal War on Christmas are mad at the Starbucks coffee chain because their new holiday cups are not Jesus-y enough, or something.

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump has heard their cries and says he will make Christmas merry again.

"I have one of the most successful Starbucks, in Trump Tower. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don't know. Seriously, I don't care. By the way, that's the end of that lease, but who cares?" Trump said during a campaign event in Illinois on Monday. "If I become president, we're all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you."

This is change we can believe in.

It's not clear, based on these quotes, if Trump really does or does not care about Starbucks cups. He's clearly proud of the Starbucks located in Trump Tower, but he's canceling their lease. Or maybe not. Who knows? Who cares?

It's possible leasing office space to a Starbucks is a greater liability in today's GOP than hitting your mother on the head with a hammer.

But where were we? This is the Republican presidential primary. Would Trump murder Baby Hitler?

  • GrafZeppelin127

    “If I become president, we’re all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you.”

    Forget whether or how he could actually go about doing it. This is the sort of thing that Republican voters vote Republican for.

    Some of you may remember that time I wrote about an NRO commenter, a GOP fan, who actually wrote without a trace of sarcasm or irony, “I vote Republican because I feel I have been victimized by American society.” This person claimed to be a small-business owner, victimized by taxes, building codes, work rules, &c., all of which were, quote, “in full swing” because we had a Democrat in the White House. Having a “conservative administration” would give this person a “break,” a “reprieve,” from these intolerable burdens.

    Except, it wouldn’t. It would only feel like it would. From a practical standpoint, in terms of the specific things this person was talking about, absolutely nothing would change.

    Same thing with this “Merry Christmas” crap. Who, or of what party, the President is has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with whether people can, do, or will say “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” or “Go F*** Yourself.” It just feels like it does. And all this time I thought it was “liberals” who vote based on “feelings, not facts.”

  • ninjaf

    Way to passive aggressively threaten to not renew their lease.

    But, who cares?

  • Christopher Foxx

    “When I get to be President, Christmas will be HUGE! And we’ll build a wall around Starbucks and it will be HUGE! And we’ll make Starbucks pay for it.”

  • muselet

    As Marvin the Paranoid Android once said, “Ah, the ennui is overpowering.”

    –alopecia

  • fry1laurie

    Happy Holidays, Donald.

  • captkurt

    Seriously, I don’t care.