Comedy Wingnuts

Trump Will Make Christmas Merry Again

Written by SK Ashby

You may have heard that victims of the liberal War on Christmas are mad at the Starbucks coffee chain because their new holiday cups are not Jesus-y enough, or something.

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump has heard their cries and says he will make Christmas merry again.

"I have one of the most successful Starbucks, in Trump Tower. Maybe we should boycott Starbucks? I don't know. Seriously, I don't care. By the way, that's the end of that lease, but who cares?" Trump said during a campaign event in Illinois on Monday. "If I become president, we're all going to be saying Merry Christmas again, that I can tell you."

This is change we can believe in.

It's not clear, based on these quotes, if Trump really does or does not care about Starbucks cups. He's clearly proud of the Starbucks located in Trump Tower, but he's canceling their lease. Or maybe not. Who knows? Who cares?

It's possible leasing office space to a Starbucks is a greater liability in today's GOP than hitting your mother on the head with a hammer.

But where were we? This is the Republican presidential primary. Would Trump murder Baby Hitler?