What Could Go Wrong?

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

Nearly 45,000 people have signed a petition to allow guns at the Republican convention in July because why not?

Ohio is an open carry state but weapons will be strictly prohibited at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland where the convention will be held.

The petition to change the rules reads as follows:

This is a direct affront to the Second Amendment and puts all attendees at risk. As the National Rifle Association has made clear, "gun-free zones" such as the Quicken Loans Arena are "the worst and most dangerous of all lies." The NRA, our leading defender of gun rights, has also correctly pointed out that "gun free zones... tell every insane killer in America... (the) safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk." [...]

Cleveland, Ohio is consistently ranked as one of the top ten most dangerous cities in America. By forcing attendees to leave their firearms at home, the RNC and Quicken Loans Arena are putting tens of thousands of people at risk both inside and outside of the convention site.

Yes. Great idea. Let's get as many hot-headed assholes with guns together as we can and stuff them all inside a contested convention where Donald fucking Trump is the frontrunner.

Speaking of which, the devil himself was asked about the petition and he demurred.

On Sunday, leading Republican presidential contender Donald Trump was asked about it but he declined to weigh in until he had a chance to read "the fine print."

"I have to see what it says," he told ABC's Jonathan Karl, who asked him about the petition on the Sunday morning political show "This Week." "I'm a very, very strong person for Second Amendment. I think very few people are stronger. And I have to see the petition. But I'm not going to comment to you when I haven't seen it."

The way I see it, we're due for a heaping dose of schadenfreude one way or another. Either they don't allow guns at the convention and look like hypocrites, or they allow guns at the convention and squabbling delegates may actually shoot each other.

Perhaps we should reserve our amusement for now because this would thoroughly complicate matters for the city of Cleveland which is already preparing for riots at the convention.

Thunderdome 2016

  • Georgie

    Well, it will help Bender.

  • Aynwrong

    I don’t suppose there is any chance those signatures came from 45,000 lefty Democrats just having a laugh at the expense of the GOP elite who normally push this guns everywhere insanity?


    Even so, it just makes the hypocrisy even more painfully obvious than usual.

    • kingfrazer

      That’s exactly where those signatures are coming from–mine included. The petition is pretty clearly satirical; unfortunately, at this point, it’s getting harder and harder to distinguish satire from reality.

      • Aynwrong

        Oh come on…

        This isn’t satire. This open carry lunacy is what the GOP believes.

        • kingfrazer

          Exactly! The petition’s author is trolling the GOP to stand up to their so-called beliefs and walk it like they talk it (spoiler alert: many conservatives don’t like walking it the way they talk it). Definitely satire, apparently admittedly so, though the identify of the original petition’s author remains (at this time) elusive. I signed the petition. Let them be hoist by their own petard.

  • Toolymegapoopoo

    It would be nice to think that this would be, as one redditor put it, like a self-cleaning oven. However, there will be hundreds of people there who are just working because they have to (vendors/janitors/security etc) who probably don’t give a fuck about these nuts’ warped view of the 2nd Amendment and just need a paycheck. This puts them in danger as well.

  • muselet

    This is varsity-level trolling.

    Mind, it will have no effect—it will change the choice of zero Republican voters, and the candidates and GOP officials are incapable of embarrassment—but it’s good for a giggle.


  • Username1016

    Well, it would certainly put paid to the notion that an armed crowd is a polite crowd, if someone started firing. Which might be a good thing? But I’d hate to see people actually killed just to prove an obvious point.