Conspiracy Theory

“You Can’t Make it Up”

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

Did you hear? The federal government is coming after your salad bar!

Congressman David Brat (R-VA) spoke to Glenn Beck's The Blaze during a podcast last week where he warned a fearful audience that the big scary government is going to regulate what's included on your local salad bar.

That's obviously ridiculous and even Brat's press secretary could not clean it up.

"The Department of Education for starters, right?" Brat said on June 29. "A few weeks ago, (the) education committee in Congress is deciding what’s going to be in your local salad bar. For real. You can’t make it up." [...]

Barbara Boland, the congressman’s press secretary, said Brat was referring to salad bars in schools.

Brat's press secretary says the elected moron was referring to the Improving Child Nutrition Education Act of 2016. The only problem is that the bill does not tell schools what they can offer on their salad bars.

On the contrary, the bill will give schools greater control over their salad bars making it easier for them to purchase and install them. Installing a salad bar is an excellent way for schools to adhere to nutritional guidelines because most kids actually enjoy it. I visited the salad bar almost every day when I was in grade school.

We can all rest easy knowing that the government is not coming after our salad bars.

Or our doughnuts.

PAUL: It’s about freedom of choice. It’s about freedom. It’s about whether you should have the liberty to buy something. What comes after healthcare? Somebody might someday say we’re gonna ban the Big Gulp, how would that be? Oh that’s right they already did that, sorry.

What’s next? We got healthcare, we got the Big Gulp, you name it. They’re coming after your doughnuts. Did you hear they’re coming after the trans-fat in your doughnuts.

I love the classics.

Brat's salad bar conspiracy theory is one of the first things I read when I woke up this morning and I laughed by goddamn ass off.

  • muselet

    Dave Brat is either the dumbest human being ever to draw breath or he’s the most cynical, and I’m honestly not sure which would be worse.


  • Aynwrong

    “Brat’s salad bar conspiracy theory is one of the first things I read when I woke up this morning and I laughed by goddamn ass off.”

    That really is the best option we have these days isn’t it?

    • Nefercat

      Yup. Laugh our goddamn asses off, and vote.

  • Dread_Pirate_Mathius

    “Not intended to be a factual statement.”

  • Badgerite

    Government by the incompetent. Sounds like a plan.

  • Username1016

    “You can’t make it up” he says? Uhhh, that’s what he just did.