During her speech this weekend at Rep. Steve King’s (R-IA) Iowa Freedom Summit, Sarah Palin’s teleprompter allegedly malfunctioned. Consequently, she delivered possibly the most incoherent, word-salady speech of her political career. However, I wouldn’t be shocked to learn that the prompters worked just fine all along and, instead, Palin was simply de-evolving to a proto-hominid subspecies right before our eyes. Seriously, I’ve sat through quite a few Palin videos and, under normal circumstances, they’re usually composed of patriotic Mad Libs combined with what can be generously defined as wholesale gibberish, but this one was off-the-charts weird. Without a prompter, it was as if an entire galaxy of stupid collapsed in upon itself, coalescing into an inescapable singularity of gobbledygook.
As a public service, I’ve assembled here a selection of the most incomprehensible moments from the speech so as to provide evidence that not only would she be a fantastic candidate in the forthcoming Republican presidential primaries, but that she might also be suffering from either Syphilitic dementia or brain worms.
1) Screw the left in Hollywood! The speech began with Palin discussing how much she loves Iowans and Iowa, where she stumped for the “pistol-packin’, Harley-ridin’ mamma grizzly” Sen. Joni Ernst (R-IA) and, on one occasion, hired the late Chris Kyle, the American Sniper, as a security guard.
It was here that we were introduced to Chris. And you know why this movie is breaking records all across this great nation, it’s because America needs a hero again. And Chris Kyle has been that man, and screw the left in Hollywood who can’t understand what it is we see in someone like Chris Kyle and all of our vets.
That’s right, screw Hollywood for only nominating American Sniper for just six Oscars. Why does the Motion Picture Academy hate movies about veterans?
2) Gun Show Irony. Palin continued by describing her book-signing appearance at a “great big gun show” recently.
So, the last couple days, my daughter Bristol and I have been at a great big gun show in Las Vegas, and there at the gun show at the SHOT Show, getting to link up with Taya, with Chris Kyle’s wife. And Taya throwing a big party there honoring vets, honoring those who have supported her cause, now that Chris is gone, and Tara [sic] carrying on her husband’s legacy.
I suppose we can forgive her for referring to Kyle’s widow Taya as “Tara,” but the irony of meeting Ms. Kyle at a gun show is thick considering how Chris Kyle was shot and killed at a gun range — by a another veteran.
3) Fuc_ You, Michael Moore. And now we get to the real reason why Palin brought up her brush with Taya Kyle in Las Vegas: so she could defend her gun show photograph with a yokel carrying a “Fuc_ You, Michael Moore” placard, with the Os in Moore’s name drawn like rifle-scope crosshairs. As always, Palin kept it classy.
Weeellll, at this party — man it always seems like we’re always kinda’ going rogue or something, something always happens — we’re, we’re at the party and I’m with Taya [Kyle, widow of Chris Kyle], we’re signing books, and in the back this young, very energetic, very bold young vet, he holds up a sign and it was, uh, bold four-letter message to Michael Moore. [Unintelligible] right now.
There’s no evidence… CONTINUE READING