With three days to go, it's anyone's guess whether Christmas will, in fact, occur this year. The future of three-days-from-now hangs in the balance as the gathering threat of total cancellation looms. Will an estimated 159 million Christian households in America wake up to gifts, church, feasting, and songs being sung by a choir -- or will they just simply... not wake up? Sadly, it doesn't look good.
Reached for comment, a spokesperson for the Baby Jesus said, "While we appreciate O'Reilly, Hannity, and Buchanan bravely coming to our rescue, it's looking like a 'too little too late' scenario. We've been in touch with the estate of Burl Ives and an emergency strategy summit is scheduled for tonight at O'Reilly's ginger bread bunker hidden in an undisclosed location."
Meanwhile, there's been no update on the impending sieges on television, professional football, dancing, and "water as a beverage choice". We'll keep you posted as news becomes available.
(Complete "War on Christmas" coverage here.)