Eff You, Gawker

UPDATE: Gawker’s editor John Cook alerted me to this post. All is forgiven.

I know this means next to nothing, but I despise this kind of hipster contrarian nonsense. Gawker headline: Childless Adults Should Not Have Christmas Trees

We’re all adults here. Which is why, unless you have children, you should not have a Christmas tree.

Christmas trees are hassles. They’re expensive. They’re difficult to move around, particularly if you don’t have a car. If you’re doing it right and buying real trees, they get needles and sap all over the goddamn place. Then, after a few weeks, you throw them out on the street just like so many other things we’ve learned to own briefly and then dispose of in America. In short, Christmas trees are a messy pain in the ass, but they’re a messy pain in the ass you deal with to please children, who are themselves messy pains in the ass everyone deals with in order to continue the species.

It’s not the trees’ fault, really. The reason Christmas trees are for children is because Christmas itself is a holiday for children.

Ah yes, anyone who has a Christmas tree is neither cool nor an adult. You know, in honor of Gawker, I think I’m going to buy a second tree and it’ll look like this: