Hometown Hero

Written by SK Ashby

(Cartoonist - Jimmy Margulies)

In other news, one of Trump's favorite twitter wingnuts and a "Pizzagate" conspiracy theorist has reportedly had his security clearance suspended. He also apparently exaggerated his service record. I'm shocked.

Meanwhile, here's a white supremacist almost shitting himself and stripping his own clothes off in Charlottesville to avoid getting stomped by counter-protesters.

Master race, indeed.

Finally, Harpers Magazine has obtained a transcript from all 250(!) potential jurors who were dismissed from the trial of "Pharma Bro" Martin Shkreli. There are some real gems in here.

the court: The purpose of jury selection is to ensure fairness and impartiality in this case. If you think that you could not be fair and impartial, it is your duty to tell me. All right. Juror Number 1.

juror no. 1: I’m aware of the defendant and I hate him.


the court: The question is, have you heard anything that would affect your ability to decide this case with an open mind. Can you do that?

juror no. 144: I don’t think I can because he kind of looks like a dick.


juror no. 10: The only thing I’d be impartial about is what prison this guy goes to.

the court: Okay. We will excuse you. Juror 28, do you need to be heard?

juror no. 28: I don’t like this person at all. I just can’t understand why he would be so stupid as to take an antibiotic which H.I.V. people need and jack it up five thousand percent. I would honestly, like, seriously like to go over there —

the court: Sir, thank you.


juror no. 59: It’s my attitude toward his entire demeanor, what he has done to people.

the court: All right. We are going to excuse you, sir.

juror no. 59: And he disrespected the Wu-Tang Clan.

Shkreli was found guilty.