Election 2016 Lizard People

Horrible Lizard Person Carly Fiorina Drops Out of the Race

Written by SK Ashby

Republican presidential candidate and disgraced CEO Carly Fiorina has formally dropped out of the race in a statement posted to her Facebook page.

The statement reads as follows:

This campaign was always about citizenship—taking back our country from a political class that only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy, and the well connected. Election after election, the same empty promises are made and the same poll-tested stump speeches are given, but nothing changes. I've said throughout this campaign that I will not sit down and be quiet. I'm not going to start now. While I suspend my candidacy today, I will continue to travel this country and fight for those Americans who refuse to settle for the way things are and a status quo that no longer works for them.

Her statement went on to decry crony capitalism and feminism but, as is the case with her call to take the country back from a political class that "only serves the big, the powerful, the wealthy," she was a terrible messenger for all of it.

Carly Fiorina is all of these things and worse.

I'm sure everyone reading this loathes each Republican candidate to varying degrees, but for me none of these characters were as loathsome as Carly Fiorina.

Fiorina lies with a conviction only a lizard could muster and she crossed a line no one should ever cross when she hijacked a pre-school field trip and used the children as props for a speech about abortion and Planned Parenthood's non-existent black market fetus trade.

Good riddance.