Conspiracy Theory

I Had No Idea This Was a Thing

Written by SK Ashby

You've probably heard that the U.S. military may or may not be preparing to usurp total control of Texas in a coup, but did you know they may or may not also be digging tunnels under local Wal-Marts to achieve this goal?

Not so, says Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart issued a statement Monday to TPM dismissing "rumors" that tunnels were being built by the U.S. military beneath closed stores in an attempt to launch a takeover of Texas.

"There’s no truth to the rumors," Wal-Mart spokesperson Lorenzo Lopez told TPM via email.

The military takeover theory was ignited by a spark when a group of Wal-Mart stores announced that they would be temporarily closing for repairs. Conspiracy theorists imagined this could only mean that these stores would serve as staging areas for federal jackboots and Blue Helmets.

It's not clear to me why they would bother digging tunnels when they have black helicopters. Unless the tunnels are large enough to fly a black helicopter through them.

You can never be sure.