‘Night, Court


Can anybody tell me why, when it comes to accused terrorists, military tribunals are preferable to normal judicial proceedings in a civil court of law?

Is it because they don't want those fancy pants New York lawyers being all wise-cracky during a "You can't handle the truth!" moment?

Is it because the three military judges are allowed to smash the defendant on his turban with their gavels?

Are the aprés waterboard/nut-shock snacks better?

Do interrogators get to wear the latest in Xe-wear (clingy black unitards, like Green Lantern)?

Because as far as I can tell (stuck here in my liberal soap bubble, awash with caviar and Noam Chomsky videos), the idea of not applying our rule of law to anyone accused of terrorism is yet another mistake made by the lizard brains who got us into this fix in the first place.

By being relentlessly reliant on a cold war black-ops kind of mentality when it comes to foreign affairs (deposing governments, installing kangaroo juntas, assassinating, defoliating, backstabbiating, etc.) and then adding a generous dollop of corporate missionary position myopia, you get a conveyor belt of cuddly little jihadists intent on making life for America as miserable as America made for them. But go ahead -- give them more reason to join a terror cell and win a date with 72 virgins by not even demonstrating one of the legitimately cool things about America -- its legal process.

Say what you will about our frequently clogged, antiquated system ("You're out of awduh, here! You're out of awduh!!!" -- And Justice For All. Love that Al!) it's still better than the idea of some spiritually broken miskite, his life a world of shit, hate and poverty, having been indoctrinated into thinking that America is the devil, only to find out that it really is.

The founding fathers have really taken a beating these last couple of decades. All their hard work has been whittled down and hijacked by cynical opportunists, spiritually broken themselves, launching their own jihads on the precepts of Democracy upon which this country was founded.

And when those bastards are brought finally apprehended, even though one might feel like pulling down their pants and shooting rubber bands at their exposed taints, I will still prefer to have their Miranda Rights read to them and go through normal criminal proceedings in a court of law.

Because it's what separates us from them.