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Right Wing Book Burning

Call it a bombardment of the senses, but it seems like there’s an abundance of reading material coming out of the intellectual factory that makes defaulting on our debt and racking up billions in losses to starve women and children seem more patriotic than George Washington making sweet love to a Gadsden flag.

First up: Senator Rand Paul. He’s got a book coming out called, Government Bullies, which, ironically, doesn’t mention that time when Team Rand Paul actually beat up a girl on his way to debate a man he refused to shake hands with, because he’s an emotionally undeveloped man, or all those times he voted against the Violence Against Women Act on the grounds that the states are better equipped to determine what flavor of fist their women-folk respond to after a night of drinking. But Rand Paul can’t seem to stand on his own in the marketplace of ideas.

An entire section of Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul’s 2013 book Government Bullies was copied wholesale from a 2003 case study by the Heritage Foundation, BuzzFeed has learned. The copied section, 1,318 words, is by far the most significant instance reported so far of Paul borrowing language from other published material.

One of the key talking points that Libertarians always fall back on is that they are the only ones who use critical thinking skills– skills they learned through attending the cult of Ayn Rand Libertarianism for a semester at Insufferable Asshole College situated on top of Mt. Sinai, America– always asserting to their intellectual inferiors, or everyone, that we’ve been thinking all wrong about the role of government because our minds have been so polluted and washed by the liberal media it’s up to right wing conservatives to reeducate the masses– through force, if need be. You know, for our own good? Because we have no idea how unAmerican we are. But this is just more proof that when a Republican writes non-fiction, it’s not the words of one man, or woman, taking center stage. It’s more like, “Oh, look. The Republican party wrote another book about destroying government, this time using Sen. Rand Paul as its doofus-medium.”

Then there’s Dick Cheney’s book called, “Heart,” that reads mostly like a one-sided conversation with Grandpa Satan going on and on about all his ailments and medical procedures, and all the Iraqi children he didn’t get to eat– which his doctors assure him would have fully-sustained the lifestyle that his artificial hearts and soul-devouring policies are accustomed to– and an an intimate reflection of the horrors he never got to inflict on Iran. It’s a coming of age story, really. The Dark Ages.

And then there’s Texas Rep. Steve Stockman, who’s been handing out copies of, “Impeachable Offenses: The Case For Removing Barack Obama From Office.” Because when elections fail you, obstruction frustrates your idiot-constituents, there’s always removal-by-force. Lesson for you kids out there. When you hate someone, and you will, always use force and the threat of force to get your way. Democracy is for the suckers. Now, seize them!!!

This is kind of like handing out copies of Atlas Shrugged and demanding your underlings read it and highlight its best intellectually-violent passages where they will go on to become law.

And then there’s the little cutesy State Senator Brian Kelsey(R-TN)pulled by taking the book, “Web Sites For Dummies” off the public’s shelf and handing it to Secretary of Health and Human Services Katherine Sebelius, in what was supposed to be a statement about Tennessee refusing Medicaid expansion. Hahahaha! Web Sites For Dummies! Because see, Republicans think it’s funny when government is unable to prevail over Right wing terrorism. “Look at the stupid government trying to get health insurance to people! Healthcare is for our betters, not the moochers!”

I don’t know what is more surprising about this. That a state senator from the GOP can use the Dewey Decimal System, or that he’s in an actual library. Tennessee holds healthcare lotteries which, to conservatives, is a much better way of addressing the needs of the uninsured when you are trying to motivate them all to get part-time jobs at McDonald’s. “You win a coupon for one doctor’s visit, little Timmy! Now, run along and get your shot of Jesus juice. It’s on us.” Three sickly cheers for Conservatism!

But no stupid book season would be complete without another installment from the Yearbook editors of America’s Beltway Press Jr. High School: “Double Down: Game Change 2012.” Oh, it sounds like a page-turner, though probably not enough to get a movie deal, the book, authored by Mark Halperin and John Heilemann, goes on and on like whispers heard from the D.C. gossip stall in the whitest, most boring restroom in all of the world. We get to read accounts of Mitt Romney snubbing Chris Christie because he’s obese(an angle the DC press will no doubt continue to use to fuel Chris Christie’s sympathy votes in time for 2016)and, oh yeah, Gov. Christie had/has a lot of suspicious baggage yet to be fully vetted. You can’t eat your meat if you don’t have any pudding:

“Romney marveled at Christie’s girth, his difficulties in making his way down the narrow aisle of the campaign bus,” the authors write. “Watching a video of Christie without his suit jacket on, Romney cackled to his aides, ‘Guys! Look at that!’”

From the New York Times:

According to a memo on Mr. Christie from the vetting team, it had unanswered questions on a defamation lawsuit against the governor from earlier in his political career, on a Securities and Exchange Commission settlement involving Mr. Christie’s brother, on names and documentation of his household help, on information from his time as a securities industry lobbyist, and on his medical history. “The dossier on the Garden State governor’s background was littered with potential land mines,” the authors write.

The book goes on to claim that President Obama didn’t get along with Bill Clinton, and claims that V.P. Joe Biden was rumored to be replaced by Hillary Clinton, but claims that the bump in the polls wouldn’t have been that significant. This line seems to infer that Democrats are overly concerned about polls, while Republicans don’t need no stinking polls to know things, like, “Obamacare is a sinister Muslim plot to overthrow the power of the noble health insurance corporations.” It’s all gut, and a lot of polling ignorance. You know? Leadership! And it seems to be a warning for a potential 2016 run by Hillary, adding doubt to her chances. This is like the D.C. press equivalent of saying her pantsuits make her look fat. It’s all about reinforcing Democratic party insecurities to help conservatives maintain the illusion of masculinity and decisiveness at election time. But I can only be grateful the administration held on to Biden because Vice President Joe Biden went on to beat the stuffing out of Rep. Paul Ryan in the big V.P. debate like a seasoned poker player winning the whole wide world with an all-in straight flush. People forget about that. When it was all up to Joe Biden to win the world, he brought it home– smiling, singing, and grinning the whole way. Biden doesn’t get much respect, but he put that office on his back and returned it from the gates of Dick Cheney’s Hellscape. Laugh all you want. Vice President Biden turned out to be a bona fide hero and champion of the people once he was free from the political restraints of Senate politics.

But for whatever reason, we’re being flooded with intellectual-violence in book-form that attempts to paint false narratives and plant the flag of cynicism deep within our culture– a culture consisting more and more of fear and paranoia– the old reliable refuge of movement conservatism.