Shorter Fox News: Obama is a Terrorist Sympathizer

Crazy McCain Lady

Why would President Obama exchange five prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay, who were going to be released anyway, for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl?

Fox & Friends has the answer.

Fox News regular Keith Ablow speculated on Wednesday morning that President Obama orchestrated the release of U.S. Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl in exchange for five Taliban prisoners being held at Guantanamo Bay because the commander-in-chief “doesn’t affiliate with patriotism” and “wants out of America.”

“Barack Obama does not have the will of the American people, Americanism in his soul,” Ablow, a forensic psychiatrist who is part of the Fox News Medical A-Team, explained. “And this swap, somebody who may not feel very American for five people who definitely don’t, is symptomatic of that.

You’d have to be pretty goddamn patriotic to want to take on the responsibility and burden of governing America and all of its various assholes, including Keith Ablow and his Fox News colleagues.

“That’s a brilliant long-distance diagnosis by Doctor Ablow, but one must ask how he was able to yank such an insightful diagnosis so smoothly from his ass.

I, for one, have never met Keith Ablow, but as an honorary doctor of fine arts I’m willing to stake my professional reputation that he is stuck in an anal retentive stage caused by his parents shaming him during potty time. So it’s safe to assume that Doctor Ablow continues to wear a diaper and, as we speak, is using his own excrement to write out his ideas for tomorrow’s show.” -Stephen Colbert