International Relations

The Army of God’s General


Lt. Gen. Jerry "You Say Muslim, I Say Devil" Boykin has a new job: figuring out how to screw the CIA out of their job.

You may remember Jerry from earlier this year, when he said the following charming thing about a Somali warlord: "I knew my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol."

The Somali's God was, of course, Allah. Not a "real" God, as far as Jerry's concerned. Sorry, you billions of Muslims -- Jerry Boykin's got some bad news for you!

Jerry has big ideas about his own God, though. Check out this quote from last year: "We in the army of God, in the house of God, kingdom of God have been raised for such a time as this."

And here's what he says about America's first born-again President: "He's in the White House because God put him there." And, no, God is not a synonym for Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas, or Karl Rove. Jerry is talking about God. That's HIS God, not some Arab's God.

So now, the New York Times tells us, Jerry is spearheading the revamping of the Pentagon's intelligence operation, taking over for the recently Bush-screwed CIA. Top among Jerry's ideas is "commencing combat operations chiefly to obtain intelligence."

Sorry your son's dead, ma'am, but it was worth fighting this battle because we caught us some Arabs and we're gonna torture 'em until they'll say anything we want 'em to say!

I never, ever thought I'd say the CIA was the good option.