Slate ran a contest and we all missed it. Here's one of the better entries:
"I brushed aside the pussy willow and cockscomb and jettisoned myself blithely to the still-warm throat of the fecund moose, all the while listening the far-off mewgull calling me, the very sound of America."
I think there's a formula. Thesaurus + Alaskan plant + Alaskan animal + Improper use of Thesaurus + Patriotic slogan = Sarah speech.