Comedy

Gohmert Delivers Hour-Long Speech on Office Grilling

JM Ashby
Written by JM Ashby

In these dark times we must enjoy humor wherever we can find it and, thankfully, congressman and famed asparagus farmer Representative Louie Gohmert (R-TX) is here to provide it.

Gohmert delivered an hour-long speech on the floor of the House on Friday decrying big government tyranny and oppression.

"About seven years ago the Architect of the Capitol, who works for the House and Senate, had decided that we all work for him and started making demands," he said on the House floor. "One of which was, I could not cook ribs and share them with other members of Congress as I had been doing." [...]

Gohmert said he had to appeal to GOP leadership – including now House Speaker Paul Ryan –for help in ending the "government abuse" of his cooking rights.

Grilling on the balcony of capital hill offices was apparently banned because doing so is a significant fire hazard, but Gohmert and Speaker Ryan were somehow able to persuade to the relevant authorities to allow Gohmert to continue playing with matches.

"Some say the best ribs they've ever tasted. I have enough of my late mother in me that I enjoy cooking and enjoy people enjoying what I cook."

"It's probably the only time here on Capitol Hill when I actually leave a good taste in people's mouths instead of a bitter taste."

  • Draxiar

    Y’know, I had completely forgotten about this ridiculous devolutionary strain of primate…

  • muselet

    That boy’s just not quite right in the head.

    –alopecia

  • Groundloop

    “I have enough of my late mother in me …”

    Anybody else getting an Ed Gein vibe?

  • Aynwrong

    Louie’s typical absurdness is the type of sublime comedy usually only found in a Terry Gilliam or Coen Brothers film. Maybe something less humorously by David Lynch. Ridiculous talking southern fricasseed peanut.

  • I really, really, REALLY want this asshat to set the Capitol on fire.

  • Dread_Pirate_Mathius

    “Some say the best ribs they’ve ever tasted.”

    Did anyone else hear this in their head with Trump’s voice?

    “Trust me, okay. I make the best ribs. Everyone knows it. They say to me, Louie, you should be a cook. These are the best ribs I’ve ever eaten. I’ve got firends – great friends – professional chefs, the best in the world (very expensive) – and they come to me and they say, Louie, nobody cooks like you, okay? Now, Lyin’ Hillary and wannabe Food Dictator Michelle Obama would tell you to grill some asparagus, too. But they doesn’t understand what makes grilling great. Sad!”

    • Aynwrong

      I can easily imagine Trump grabbing a plate of Louie’s ribs and running around the capital building while claiming the recipe was his.

      Epic Trump rant by the way.

    • Georgie

      “I actually leave a good taste in people’s mouths instead of a bitter taste.” Hahahahhahaha!